Back to black: a shameless fanfic
by ShamelessGallagher
Summary: Okay! So this is my first time writing a fanfic! So go easy on me! OC/LIP Rae practically grew up a Gallagher! She's always been very close to Lip but since he starting seeing Karen Jackson they haven't seen much of each other and there's been plenty of tension between the two friends. Starts from the first season, I've been trying to stay with the shows plot with few minor changes
1. Chapter 1

Today is like every other day, I'm exhausted from work but I need this English credit, so here I am. The only thing keeping me awake right now is Lip who keeps snapping me back into class.  
"Fuck off. Stop doing that."  
"Doing what?" Lip smirks at me knowing snapping his fingers in my face drives me crazy, especially when I'm this tired.  
"I don't have to work tonight you want to do something?" I sigh.  
"No I don't think I can, I gotta tutor Karen Jackson in Physics tonight then I gotta watch Debbie and Carl, Fionas going out with V."  
"Karen Jackson, huh? I doubt, you'll be doing much studying, considering she's in my physics class and she's doing perfectly fine. I think she wants you, babe!"  
"Ha Ha! Well she got a C and needs a B, so I get paid and hopefully laid." Lips says with a hint of sarcasm.

Lip doesn't know but I know he's got a thing for Karen. I catch him staring at her all the time. Lip doesn't realize but I can read him better than anyone else, sometimes I feel like we're the same person,we've been friends since birth practically and have lived 3 houses down from eachother. My mom actually used to take care of his older sister Fiona when their parents went on benders or would fight. You can say we are pretty much family.

After a long pause of silence, I finally break the awkwardness.  
"So, if your "tuturing" doesn't take too long, you can just swing by if you want to hang out, I'll probably just be doi-"  
"I'm sorry Rachael? was it? do you have something you want to share with the class?" The substitute, whose name I've already forgotten.  
"Not at all sir."  
Lip chuckles; the bell rings.

The rest of the day is long and I just seem to be getting more and more tired, I haven't talked to Lip much since English ( we have 3 classes together and sit next to eachother in every single one) I definetly hit a sore spot. I doubt he'll be mad much longer after he spends the afternoon at Karen's he'll probably show up at my place to tell me all his gory details. In the mean time I go looking for his brother Ian to see if he needs a ride to work.  
"Hey Rae!" Ian beams.  
"Hey Ian, seen Lip?"  
"Yeah, like 5 minutes ago, he left with Karen Jackson."

I can tell Ian's not much of a fan of hers. To be honest neither am I. I barely know her, She's in one of my classes but she doesnt talk to me really. Occasionally ask me for homework or notes she missed. Last week she asked me if there was anything going on between Lip and I, once I told her no she ran off like a little girl.

"Not a fan of her, Ian?"  
"I don't know, she's okay I guess. Did you guys have plans or something?"  
"No, just wondering if you guys wanted a ride, you work tonight?"  
"Yeah I do! Don't mind giving me a ride? Last night Linda tore me a new asshole for beiing 5 minutes late, gotta be on my best behavior today."  
"She sounds like a real ball buster. Why don't you quit and come work with me? Better money and less Linda to yell at you and y'know more me!"  
"Y'know I'd love that but I'm pretty..comfortable at the Kash and Grab." Ian laughs to himself I'm not really sure what's so funny but I ignore it as we get in my car to go.

I've always adored Ian, he's the little brother I never had. He has such an endearing face that I couldn't possibly fathom someone wanting to hurt him, then I remember he's just as much as a shit head as Lip.  
The car ride is short considering the Kash and Grab is walking distance from our school. I say bye to Ian and head home, almost asleep at the wheel, maybe I'll take a quick nap before I get my school work done.

When I walk into my house I see my mom getting ready in the living room, which means she has to work the late shit tonight; mom's head nurse at the local hospital and works late shifts most of the time.

"Raeanne! I spoke to Fiona and she said she was going out tonight so once you're done all your work can you bring the lasagna I made over for the kids! I told her I'd get you to bring some dinner over!"  
"I'm surprised Fi let you make dinner for everyone!"I say sitting on the floor in front of our coffee table to do my work.

"I owe them for helping clean out our attic. Plus it makes the night easier for her! So many kids to take care of, I couldn't even imagine, you were enough for me."

Mom's practically running around while getting ready.

My mom raised me all on her own. My dad left when I was really young, I couldn't tell you anything about him. I used to blame my mom but now I know the truth, all dads suck.

"Okay mom I'll take the food over later."

My mom leaves for work with a kiss to my forehead and she's gone.

I sit down in the living room to do my work; a short story for English, an essay for History and some questions for science. This won't take long and then I can drop the food off at the Gallaghers and finally go to sleep. Thank god I didn't have to work tonight.

I work two jobs, I saved enough to buy a used car and the rest I'm saving for school. On Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays I work at a small diner close to the El, on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I work at a grocery store as a cashier. I rarely get a day off at both jobs.  
I can't help but wonder how Lip's "tutoring" is going.  
Before I know it I'm drifting off and eventually fall asleep in my living room.


	2. Chapter 2

***Lips POV***  
Fiona comes into the boys room wearing a short navy blue dress with the tag still on and her hair wrapped in a towel.  
"Can I borrow your deodorant?"  
"I'm using Ian's."

Fiona grabs the our laundry bag and I feel a quick panic. My jizz stained boxers are in there, it'll be too embarrassing if she finds them.  
"I'll stick this in the wash before I go out!"  
I hear Veronica screaming for Fiona throughout the house.  
"Do it tomorrow."  
"It stinks in here."

She's not wrong. I mean 3 boys in one room, does she expect it to smell like a field of roses? I get a hold of the laundry bag and eventually my dirty boxers.  
"Sorry there's a shirt I need."

Lip digs through his laundry bag while Fiona and Veronica discuss the tag still on her dress.  
"Lisa made us dinner, Rae should be bringing it over soon, if not just go over and grab it Lisa said it's fine!"  
The girls leave.  
"Have fun!"  
"Bye, lovely!" Veronica shouts back  
I'm standing alone in my room with my underwear in my hands.  
"Where the fuck am I going to put these, ah!" Lip shoves his boxers behind Ian's dresser, while doing so Lip finds Ian stash of porn, only it's not naked woman it's naked men.  
"Bye Veronica!" Ian yells from outside his room  
"Shit" Lip jumps on his bed hiding the magazines under his stomach so Ian doesn't know he found them but he can't stop staring at his brother.  
"Hey!" Ian chimes.  
"Hey."  
"I'm going to go over to Rae's to get dinner wanna come? She looked pretty tired, figured we should just go grab it. She's probably passed out. "  
"Yeah sure, Let me just put some pants on."

 _I can't believe he didn't tell me he's gay. We tell each other everything. Maybe it isn't his. Who am I kidding who the fuck else can it belong too?_  
 _I shove the magazines under my blankets and grabs a pair of sweatpants, heading out the door with Ian, walking silently._  
 _I should break the silence but I don't know what to say. I'll talk to him later tonight once everyone's asleep._

 ***RAE'S POV***  
I wake up so someone knocking on the door, practically knocking over the table to get up, stumbling across the room I catch a glimpse of the clock.  
"8:15 jesus fucki-"  
The boys barge in.  
"Fuck sakes, Rae, ever going to open the door? WE GOT KIDS TO FEED!" Lip laughs walking into the kitchen.  
"Rae, you look like you've been through hell." Ian laughs.  
"I must of fell asleep, I'll get the food for you."  
"You coming over to eat with us?" Lip walks in already holding the tray, one eyebrow raised.  
"Yeah, just give me a second."  
"We'll be waiting here, gorgeous!"  
"Eat a dick!" I call out to Lip while I dash upstairs to wash off my makeup and bush my hair.

He seems better than today at school, must of had fun at Karen's.  
"Jesus Christ" I think looking into the mirror and see all the makeup smeared on my face, with a rats nest in my hair. I run a brush through my hair, splash some water on my face and go downstairs to see the boys standing quietly; which is weird for them considering these two are closer than anyone.  
"You ready?" chimed Ian, breaking the silence.  
"Yeah let's go!"

We head out and the boys are still quiet, Ian walking slightly ahead of us, what did I miss?  
"So, did you guys get in a fight or something?"  
"No, ugh, just tired."  
"Hm, if you say so."  
What a fucking lame excuse.  
"Have fun at Karen's today?" I nudge Lip with a smirk.  
Lip chuckles.

"She gave me a hummer while her mom was at least 5 feet from us making dinner. Did you know her mom is agoraphobic? Won't go outside! Even made us take off our shoes to put them in a bag."  
"Did you meet her dad? He comes into the diner, he's such a dick! Born again, super into clowns. Scary fucking dude."  
"No, thank god!"  
We walk into the house and I'm practically tackled by Debbie.  
"RAE!"  
"Hey Debs! How was school?"  
"Holly Hirkamer keeps telling everyone I'm 6 and walked into the wrong class the first day AND they let me stay because they felt bad for me."  
"Isn't Holly like 40 years old? Why is she still in your class?"  
"She failed. 3 times."  
"Don't worry Debs, You'll be in the 5th grade next year and she'll still be in the 4th grade for the next 2 years or so. Don't let her bother you."  
"Yeah, Debs remember, NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE GALLAGHERS!" Lip yells over his shoulder as he sets the table for everyone.  
While I'm talking to Debbie, I hear someone come stomping down the stairs, it's Carl wearing a gas mask with a foul stench following behind.  
"Finally some decent food!" Carl runs over and takes a huge chunk of the lasagna and sits down.  
"Carl what the fuck is that smell." Ian asks  
"Science project!"  
"Yeah whatever you say little man." Ian rustles Carl's hair before taking a seat.

 _I didn't stay long at the Gallaghers because I had to get back and finish my work, but all I can think about is whats up with Ian and Lip. A little before I left Lip told me he had something to tell me but at the Gallaghers you never get a moment alone. Unlike my place. It can get really lonely there since my mom and I are hardly home at the same time. It's why I like being at the Gallaghers so much._  
 _Lip walks me home so he can talk to me about whatever it is. We go straight into my room so we can have a smoke and talk._

"So, whats the problem between you and Ian?" I ask while I roll a joint.  
"How'd you know its about me and Ian?"  
"You two have barely said 3 words to each other all day, so, what happened?"  
"Okay, but you can't fucking say anything to anyone! I shouldn't even be telling you this but I need advice!""Yeah, Yeah pinky promise and all that shit, now spill."  
"After I got back from Karen's I was changing because, y'know-"  
"Gross, but continue!"

 **Lip shoots me a look before he finishes.**

"And I needed somewhere to put my boxer so Fiona didn't see, I found somewhere to put them but turns out that's where Ian hides all his porn."

"Okay? Are you made he's not sharing?" I chuckle at how ridiculous this all sounds,also a little buzzed now. Probably not a good idea to get high before you offer someone advice.

"His gay porn, Rae. Ian's gay and he never told me. He tells me everything. I mean I get this has got to be hard for him but, fuck! I wouldn't have cared!"

 _This makes so much sense now. No wonder Lip was all moody and brooding around Ian today._

"I don't think it's you he's so worried about. We live in Southside, Lip, not the best place to grow up, especially when you're gay. Southsides not the most accepting place, is it?"  
Lips quiet, I pass him the joint, that's almost a roach now. I can tell he's thinking.

"I guess you're right."  
"I know I'm right, just talk to him. Now get out I got an essay to write."  
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. Remember don't say anything."

I nod and Lip leaves my house. By the time I finish my work it's 1 in the morning.  
Not bad. At least 5 hours of sleep before I got school.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been about a week since I last talked to Lip, besides in class of course. I've been working like crazy and Lip's been spending most of his time with Karen. I still drive Ian to work almost everyday.

"I think I fucked up." Ian burst while we're driving.  
"What?"  
"Mr. Bancroft was harassing Mandy Milkovich so I tripped him in class and now she thinks I'm some sort of knight in shining armour, she came over to the house and tried to have sex with me and when I rejected her she ran out of the house screaming and crying and now her brothers want to kill me because she's telling everyone I raped her! I mean she tried to rape me!"  
Ian tells me all this so fast that I barely catch what he says.  
"Holy shit."  
"Yeah and this is all because I just couldn't 'throw it in her'! Mickey's been running around asking everyone for me. I've been hiding out for almost a week I don't know what to do!"  
 _This is a lot to process._  
"Throw it in her?"  
"Lips words, not mine."  
"Figured. Have you seen Mandy since? Tried talking to her?"  
"She runs away screaming pervert everytime I go near her. Mickey and his goon brothers beat Lips face in too and he didn't even do anything! Imagine what they'll do to me?!"

 _I knew some of this, because I saw Lips face this morning. I knew Mickey was looking for Ian, didn't know it had to do with Mandy. Figured he owned Mickey money or some shit._  
 _I mostly just sit here quietly while Ian rambles. Eventually he tells me to just drive him home because it's best not to go to the Kash and Grab, Mickey's practically destroyed it already. I turn around to take him home._

"Hey, Ian, wanna hide out at my place for a bit? I took the next couple of days off since exams have started so we can just hang out for a bit. Mickey wouldn't come by my place anyways."  
"Yeah, thats a good idea, yeah."  
Ian and I go straight into my room and we share a smoke.  
"Rae, can I tell you something."  
"You Gallaghers must be on some truth serium lately. You've all got to tell me something." I wink at Ian. He doesn't laugh, must be serious.  
"Rae, I'm gay."

"Oh..assuming that's why you didn't want to have sex with Mandy?"

I joke, trying to lighten the mood. Ian smirks then sighs.

"Stupid question, I know, listen Ian, I know that was a lot for you and you must be scared, I mean this neighbour isn't always so accepting, but I support you and I love you."  
"Thanks Rae." Ian leans over and kisses me on the cheek, we share a small look.

 _I'm happy for Ian, I am but I can't help but worry for him. I mean the Milkovich's? I'm not scared of many people around here but Terry Milkovich was the boogy man in my dreams as a kid. My mom had him over with his goons one day stitching him up so he didn't have to get questioned at the hospital. She does it for a lot of people in the neighbourhood. He looked like he had just murdered an entire family. With that snarl on his face and the eyes of a rabid pitbull it's no wonder his sons are just as mean, but Mandy I'm surprised she would do what she's done. She always seemed nicer to me than her family. A lost little girl, thats for sure, but sending her thug brothers on Ian because he rejected her? Thats just psychotic to me._

We sit silently for a minute or two, I didn't tell him I knew because I knew he would be mad at Lip. Eventually Ian suggest we go to his house for a bit. Fiona's probably looking for him anyay.

*Lip's POV*  
"Fucking Milkovich's."

 _I can't stop looking at my face in the mirror. I mean, I've had it worse before but fuck this hurts. The worst part is I did it so they'd lay off Ian and it didn't even work and now Fiona's up my ass why the beat the shit out of me. Maybe if I just tell her it's fine enough, she'll shut up._

I hear the back door slam and some laughter. I finally pry my face away from the mirror to go see who it is. Rae and Ian are in the kitchen playing with Liam while, Fionas making dinner.

"Why is Mr. Perry dressed like a woman in your kitchen?" Rae asks  
"Don't ask." Fiona, myself and Ian say in unison as I walk over to the freezer to get more ice.  
"Hey stranger where've you been all my life?" I ask Rae.  
"Right here, asshole." Rae winks

The door slams and Frank comes in ranting about our dead Aunt Ginger.

"AND ANOTHER THING! I LOST MY HEART AND SOUL WHEN THAT WOMAN PASSED AWAY AND ALL YOU KIDS CAN THINK ABOUT THE SOCIAL SECURITY CHECKS! I'M MOURNING! SHE RAISED ME MOST OF THE TIME, PRACTICALLY! I WAS DOING YOU ALL A FAVOUR! YOU WOULD OF BEEN SO TORN IF YOU KNEW-"  
"Shut up, Frank! and just to remind you, YOU were cashing in a dead lady's social security checks, not us!"  
 _Franks been rambling about this for almost a day. He's trying to defend himself after he told us our Aunt Ginger died and he burried her in the backyard. 12 years ago._  
"Why are you arguing with him?"  
"I don't know,Steve, I DON'T know! Why are you still here?!" Fiona sighs  
"Just leaving Ian his tickets!" Steve shoots his hands up in

Rae walks over to Fiona, I can hear their conversation but I'm not really listening. I can't help but notice Rae's barely spoke to me in a few days. I have been blowing her off for Karen lately. I doubt she cares but there's a small part of me that thinks maybe she's pissed.  
"Anyways, Fi, I'm working next Thursday at Buy and Save. I could give you those discounts if you need."  
"Ugh, Rae that'd be great! You sure you're not going to get in trouble?"  
"No money's missing from the til, they won't notice a thing, plus we got some new boss, named Bobby, total creep. Plus I make more cash in tips at the diner."  
"Shit, once you quit how am I supposed to get my makeup 50% off?" chimes in Veronica as she walks through our living room into the kitchen.

 _The groups laughter brings me back into reality. After dinner Rae, Ian and I go up to our room to hang out. Rae doesn't stay long after that, then it's just Ian and I. We're looking out the window and we see Mickey talking to Rae._

"He's been out there for a while man. Asked Steve for you and now Rae. Think he'd get the picture you're 'not around'."  
"I told Rae."  
"Told her what?"

Ian looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"That I'm not exactly into girls, asshole!"  
"Just busting your balls, bro! Doubt she cared much.. did she ask about me today?"  
"No she was really cool about it, and no we didn't talk about you at all. Why? You make her mad?" Ian nudges me as I pass him my smoke.  
"I don't know, think she's pissed at me or something."  
"Why cause you spend so much time with Karen?"  
"Yeah, how'd you know?!"  
"Just a guess. I doubt Rae gives a shit anyways! Not like you two are married, why don't you see if Rae wants to go out with you and Karen, or just tell them to come over when we're all watching TV or something. Rae gets a long with pretty much everyone and Karen seems nice enough she won't start shit. If Rae doesn't wanna come then you'll know she's mad. If she doesn't than she doesn't give a shit!"  
"Shit, Ian, when did you get so smart?"  
"Fuck off"  
The boys share a laugh then get ready for bed. It's pretty late and they've both had long days.

 *******Hey guys! I have the first few chapters already written out on my lap top I just have to post them up here! Leave me reviews letting me know what you think! And sorry if the format it a little off! I copy and paste them so I have to basically re organize everything after I already had it all sorted out!*******

 _ **xoxox caro**_


	4. Chapter 4

***RAE'S POV***  
It's a Saturday and I don't have to work,I put my two weeks notice in at the Buy and Save, think my boss is pissed so now she's giving me less shifts until my last day. So I'm finally catching up on all the sleep I've lost lately with school, then suddenly I hear someone banging on my front door. I look out the window to see it's Lip. I rush down to go answer but before I do he's already in my house.  
"Why do you even knock if you're just going to walk in?"  
"Have you seen, Ian?"  
"No, why is everything okay?"  
"I don't know I woke up this morning and he and the bat were gone."  
"Shit! Do you think he went to see the Milkoviches? Mickey was hounding me last night looking for him."  
"That's what I'm thinking."

 **Lip's biting his bottom nail and looking down.**

 _I can't help but be worried. The Milkovich's are tough, and don't fight fair, theres no way Ian will be fighting one, when you fight one Milkovich, you're actually fighting all the Milkovich's; I've always thought of them as a meaner version of the Gallaghers. Theres no way Ian will come out of this fight breathing._

"I'm going to go to the Milkovich house to see if he's there." Lip's practically out the door but I catch him just in time.  
"Hold on! Let me get dressed, I'll give you a ride."

 ** _Lip and I drive for a bit looking for Ian when we get closer to Mickey and Mandy's house I park quite a bit away. Lip thinks it's best so it doesn't draw any attention, incase Mickey see's us driving down his street and thinks Ian's with us._**  
 **We see Ian hiding behind a bunch of garbage cans across from their house.**

"Hey, just give me a second so I can talk to him."  
I nod and watch Lip walk over to his brother. I wait anxiously a couple houses down from where the boys are, before I know it Ian's gone and Lip's standing infront of me again.  
"Wheres Ian? What happened?!"  
"He went to talk to Mandy. I guess it's easier than fighting Mickey."  
"Should we wait for him?"  
"No, I think he's fine. Wanna do something? It's been awhile since it was just the two of us."  
"Sure, I gotta work later tonight though."  
"Sweet, I'm hungry. You're buying." Lip fake punches me on the chin then runs to the car.  
"I'm not going to chase you I don't know why you're running!"

 **Lip and I end up in a Mcdonalds parking lot, I buy him breakfast and we sit listening to the radio for a bit. Hard To Explain by The Strokes is playing I turn up the radio to drown out the sound of Lip's chewing.**

"You chew so fucking loud."  
"I'm a growing boy, I need to eat. Why aren't you eating? Aren't you hungry?"  
"Not after seeing you eat!" I can't help but laugh.

 _Frankly, I haven't eaten much in the passed couple days. I've been so stressed with exams it's the last thing on my mind. Lip gives me a look that's a mix of worried and a ' fuck you'. I know what he's thinking and it's not true. When I was younger I was a bulimic then graduated to full blown anorexic. I kept fainting from exhaustion in school, after that my mom put me in a rehab facility at the hospital she works at and occasionally I have to go talk to a therapist. But I'm not like that anymore. I stopped eating because I thought I had no control over my life. I have control now in all aspects of my life. I have plenty of money saved up so I'm finacially stable, I have my own car and school's going fine. I hope. Once I get my marks from the exams I won't be so stressed anymore._

"So Rae, you coming over tomorrow?"  
"Did we make plans I forgot about cause I got work in the morning."  
"I mean after work, figured you want to come over hang out with the family, Karen too, maybe."  
"Yeah? I'll stop by for a bit. My mom's off tomorrow so I'll probably spend some time with her."  
"Cool, cool."

 _I can't help but feel some tension between us but I don't know where all this tension is coming from. I can tell Lip has something he wants to say._  
 _Lip clears his throat and turns to me._

"Hey, uh, Sorry I've been spending all my time with Karen."  
"It's cool, Lip! It's not like I never see you anyway! You really like her don't you?"  
"I mean, we're not exclusive we're just friends, with, benefits, y'know?"  
I'm not surprised, Lip's not one for relationships. I can tell he's lying, I know he really likes her.  
"Does Karen know you're not exclusive? Or is that just you assuming so?"  
"I mean she's still dating other dudes"  
"Dating? or fucking?"

 _I can see Lip's muscles tensing up, and his jaw clenches._  
 _He hates when I "pry" in his life but if I didn't pry he wouldn't tell me anything and probably explode from all his pent up emotions._

"Both."  
"What about you?"  
"huh?"  
"You cool with that?"  
"What the fucks with all these questions, Rae? Yeah I'm fine she can do what she wants and do what I want! What's wrong with that?!"  
"You mean who?"

 _I feel a faint laugh leave my lips, but he's not laughing. Once again I've pushed his buttons a little too hard._

"For fuck sakes Rae, whats your problem with Karen?"  
Lip raises his voice and I'm taken back, Lip rarely yells most of the time he just tells someone to "GFY" with a sarcastic laugh. He must really like Karen to feel the need to defend her and their relationship.  
"Don't raise your voice at me. I just want to know you're cool with her having sex with who ever she wants. Doesn't seem like you're seeing anyone else either. I'm looking out for your best interest, you don't need to jump down my throat!"  
"Y'know what, GFY Rae."

 _There it is._

 **Lip gets out of the car and storms off in the direction of his place. I sit there for awhile thinking. All of the sudden I hear my phone go off.**


	5. Chapter 5

***LIPS POV***  
Lip walks into the Gallagher house slamming the back door and storming upstairs. The other Gallagher kids sitting in the living room wondering whats the matter.

"Lip? Everything okay?" Fiona calls out to her younger brother.

Lip doesn't respond he just goes straight to his room slamming the door behind him.  
 _What the fuck is her problem. Why does she have to question everything I do. I stay out of her life why can't she stay out of mine? I don't need her. What Karen and I are doing is none of her fucking business. It's not my fault she's jealous I can't spend all my fucking time with her._  
Lip jumps up on to his bed to lie down. He and Rae have always been close but lately he can't help but take offense to everything she says. Lip feels himself slowly falling asleep.

 ***RAES POV***  
I hear my phone going off, It's Amy a friend of mine I work with at the diner.  
"Hey Amy!"  
"Holy fuck Rae listen! That kid Warren is having a huge party tonight! And we're going!"  
"I don't know, Am-"  
"No excuses, I'm picking you up from work tonight and we are going to that party! You gotta let loose, babe! Get out there! Stop hanging out with that Gallagher kid so much and hang out with me!"  
Before I can even respond she hangs up on me.  
 _She is right I do need to let loose more. I used to party a lot more but then I got sick, and was doing really bad in school. Now I just do my best to stay on the right track. You can't have both. But I need to do well in school so I can get into a good college, get a good job and be able to take care of my mom one day._  
 _Just one party won't hurt right? I should go home and get ready for work._

 ***LIPS POV***  
I wake up a couple hours later to see Ian sitting on his bed. He's staring at me very concerned.  
"Bad day?"  
I stretch after jumping down from my bed.  
"Nah, just got into a little fight with Rae. No big deal, Don't want to talk about it."  
"Whatever you say. Speaking of Rae, she told me that Warren kid you wrote that essay for? he's having a party tonight and she's wants me to come. You should come too."  
"Nah, I got plans with Karen which I'm already late for. I'll see you in a bit."

On my way down the street I see Fiona carrying groceries, I run over to see if she needs help. Before I can even offer Fionas already nagging me about earlier.  
"Hey what was all that about Lip?"  
"Nothing important, bad day. You need some help?"  
I reach out to grab some of the bags out of Fionas hands.  
 _Karen can wait 5 more minutes._  
"You going out tonight?"  
"Yeah, I'm going to head over to Karen's. I'll be back later."  
"Before you go I gotta talk to you about something!"  
 _She sounds serious. I mean Fiona usually is, but recently she's been having a harder time with Frank and isn't her usual self._  
"Carl's about to get expelled from school. I need to get Frank on board to come to Parent- teachers night!"  
"Good fucking luck"  
"I know, it's nearly impossible. If I can't make it happen I'll need you there okay?"  
"Yeah, no problem Fi!"

 _I give my sister a sympathetic look and head for the door. Getting Frank to go to a parents- teachers night? that'll happen when hell freezes over._  
 _I walk into Karen's house to see Eddie, Karen's dad, Frank and Sheila sitting on the couch watching TV,a weird fucking sight._

"OH PHILIP!"  
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, is Karen home?"  
"Yes, sweetie, just hold on!"  
"KAREN! KAREN! PHILIP IS HERE!"  
Sheila is practically shreiking before I can blink Karen's already down the stairs.  
"Hey, you look nice!"  
"Thank YOU! I figured I should look nice, since I'll probably be tasting penii tonight?"

Karen's dad gets all stiff and Frank chokes on his drink with a laugh, I have no idea what shes talking about but after that we walk out of her place and start walking towards the train tracks. We lie down on top of a broken down car that's been under the El for years and listen to the train above us, screaming over it sometimes. We do this a lot.

"So, I was talking to Warren and he's having a party tonight, you wanna go?"  
"I don't know, high school parties aren't really my thing, Karen, I was hoping we could just sit here tonight. Y'know, just you and I?"  
I don't admit it but I mainly don't want to go because I know Rae's going to be there and the last thing I want to do is get into another fight with her.  
"Okay, I guess."  
"Figured you were going to taste my penii tonight anyways" I can't help but burst into laughter because Karen looks so embarrassed.  
"My stupid fucking dad is still pissed about what happened with Ian."  
"Is it weird having him back?"  
"Incredibly. I do like torturing him though. I doubt he'll be around much longer, he's slowly going crazy since my mom won't feed him real food and just leaves him to get his own food. Which means he only eat cereal."

Karen and I continue to talk about our dad's for a while. She says she doesn't mind having Frank around which I don't understand. I guess he's just as much fun to tortue as her dad. I hate when Frank's around, he's either passed out, yelling, manipulating Carl and Debbie or smacking me and Ian around. Guess he can't do that at Sheilas. Doesn't want to mess up his dream home.  
"Hey it's getting late, I should probably take you home!"  
With that Karen and I head back to her place.

 ***I just wanted to quickly apologize about the narrative in the story! I'm still am trying to figure it out and what not! Please bare with me!***

 **xoxo caro**


	6. Chapter 6

***RAE'S POV***

 ** _I'm standing in my room looking for something to wear as Amy sits on my bed looking at all the posters on my baby blue wall (my mom painted my room that colour thinking I was going to be a boy)_**

"Can you hurry up already. I'm getting tired of staring at Alex Turner over here."  
"Yeah, I just gotta find something to wear."  
"For fuck sakes, Rachael. It's a house party not a debutantes ball."  
"Fine."  
 _I grab something simple so I can change fast and still look okay. A high waisted pair or ripped jeans and my favourite t-shirt, a short, black and white horizontal stripped tee. Throw my hair into a high pony and grab my favourite leather jacket and we head out._  
 _I can't help but feel really nervous on my way there I haven't been to a party in a long time. I feel so out of my element. Usually I would go to parties with Lip, he'd keep all the creepy dudes away from me and carry me home at the end of the night. Hopefully Ian does come tonight, one familiar face would make me feel 1000% better._  
"Do you know anyone else who might be there?"  
 _I really doubt that Amy knows anyone there. But I'm hoping she gives me one name of someone I can at least hang out with._  
"Not really no. I think Karen Jackson was invited, your friend is banging her right?"  
 _I feel slightly relieved hearing that. I don't even talk to her but if Karen's there Lip might be and even if we did fight today, if Lip's drunk enough he'll forget all about it._  
"Yes, Lip and Karen are 'banging' as you so eloquently put it."  
"Well, there you go! Lip might be there! Now you won't have to hang on to me all night!"

 **Amy looks at me and winks. I know she's joking but sometimes I forget what a real asshole she can be.**  
 **We go into Warren's house and before I know it Amy's gone into the crowd, getting a drink and talking to a group of guys. I'm standing awkwardly by the door.**

"RAE! RAE! COME HERE!" **Amy's calling me over to her little gaggle of boys.**  
 **I take a deep breath and head over.**  
 _Here I go._  
"Rae! these are my new friends, Brian, Mitchel, Ronnie and uh what the fuck's your name again?!"

 _Amy breaks into uncontrollable laughter with the three boys with names. I can't help but notice and feel Mitchell, a boy about my age staring at me. His eyes are so green a part of me thinks they aren't real._

"My names James." **He's quiet, unlike his pals.**  
"I'm Rae!"

 _I shoot a short wave and sit down next to the quiet one. Mitchell's emerald eyes still on me. I wish he would stop._

"Rae, could drink you guys under the fucking table!"  
 _That's not true. I'm a lightweight. Ask anyone._  
"Oh yeah?" Mitchell finally speaks up, not breaking his stare.  
I wish Lip or Ian were here.  
Speaking of Ian, where the fuck is he?

 **I excuse myself from the group to give Ian a call to see if he's coming. I walk outside to see more drunk teenagers all over the front yard. I walk a couple houses away to get some quiet, while I listening to the phone ring and ring and ring. Finally Fiona answers.**

"Hello?"  
"Hey, Fi, it's Rae! Is Ian home?"  
"Hey! Um no. I think he went out with Mandy! Is it important?"  
"Oh no! I can just talk to him tomorrow! Thanks anyways Fiona!"  
"No problem, sweetie!"

 _I guess he forgot. Or maybe he's bringing Mandy with him. I guess that's not bad. I'm still not all that happy with her telling her brothers Ian raped her but if she's Ian's over it, I should get over it too._  
 _I head back into the party and to Amy and her boy's, Mitchel is gone and I'm slightly relieved. Theres no one else who's made me more uncomfortable, since like Terry Milkovich._  
 _Amy's shot gunning a beer with Ronnie while the other two chant. Amy finishes her beer first and falls over into my arms cheering._  
"RAE! BABY! WHERE'D YOU GO!?"  
"I had to make a call."  
 **With that Amy looks mad at me. Again, such an asshole sometime** s.  
"Can I speak to you alone?" Amy storms off dragging me behind her.  
 _Why am I here again?_  
 **Amy pulls me into a small room, I think this might be a pantry now that I look around but it's too dark to tell.**  
"Lighten the fuck up already! I can't babysit you all night to make sure you're comfortable! Have a drink! Talk to the Mitchell guy. He's totally into you! Just lighten the fuck up! LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP" Amy's shaking me, holding me by my shoulders and yelling in my face I give her a smile and tell her I'll be better and take her drink from her,but I can't help but feel really anxious about being here. I wish I didn't come to this stupid fucking party.

 ***IANS POV***

 _I walk back into the house after being at Mandy's. I needed to see Mickey, now that Kash is busy trying to help Linda get pregnant. I can't be with him anymore, especially since going to his house. It's too weird, I mean, not that it isn't weird with Mickey, someone who I always thought would of killed me if he found out I was gay. But here we are. Fuck-buddies, I guess._  
"Hey Ian, Rae called looking for you. She said it wasn't important but she didn't sound too happy!" **Fiona says coming down the wooden hill as I'm still taking off my jacket.**  
"Oh fuck!" **I sit on the couch with my head down. I totally forgot about that party, I know she really wanted me to go.**  
"What?!" **Fiona jumps**  
"Fiona, I'm going to be home late tonight! I promised Rae something!"  
"DON'T BE TOO LATE!" Fiona bellows through the kitchen  
 **I grab my coat and run towards Warren's house, He's a southside kid too, Lip writes book reports for him from time to time but other than that I don't really know him. I hope Rae isn't mad.**  
 **I'm almost at the party when I see Lip walking by himself**  
"Yo, Lip! Change your mind about the party?"  
"Nah, man. I'm not into it tonight"  
"C'mon man! It'll be fun!"

 _I really want Lip there, We barely hang out the two of us anymore._  
 _I give him a pleading look._

"Honestly if this party is a bust we can leave! I promised Rae, man!"  
"Alright fine!"


	7. Chapter 7

***RAES POV***  
 _I tried to lighten up, I really really did. But I can't handle being around Amy and these dudes._  
 _She's all over them, getting drunker and drunker and drunker. I might as well just hang out with fucking Frank._  
 _I've had a couple beers and I'm starting to feel buzzed also I need to pee. I get up to use the washroom. Not telling them where I've gone. I walk around searching for a bathroom for a little bit. This house is a little too big for a southside house. Or maybe I'm just drunk._

"Fucking hell where is this bathroom?!"  
"There's one down the hall!" **A drunk girl sitting on the floor slurs to me, I can't help but notice she's sitting with her friend practically sleeping in her lap.**  
"Uh, thanks" **I make my way towards the bathroom**.  
 _It must be my lucky day. No line-up._  
 _I'm washing my hands when I hear someone knock on the door._  
"I'll be out in a second!"  
 _The person on the other side opens the door, to my surprise it's Mitchell. He walks into the bathroom, my heart is pounding. He's so fucking creepy._  
"Sorry, I'm done now!" I try to walk around him and he stops infront of me.  
"I can barely keep my eyes off you tonight, I feel like I know you from somewhere?"  
 **Before I can respond he pushes me against the wall and starts kissing me, his hands are roaming all over my body. I hear him unzip his pants and feel him reaching towards mine. I manage to break free from his kiss and push him off me. He's still infront of the door so I can't run out. I'm terrified.**  
"What the fuck is your problem? I'm doing you a favour sweetheart, it's not like you're a fucking masterpiece!"  
 **He pushes towards me again before I know it my fist is across his face and he's on the floor. I try to run out and he grabs my ankle, I manage to turn around and I start kicking him until he finally lets go. I run out to find Amy.**  
"FUCKING PRUDE DYKE!" **I barely hear Mitchell scream because the music's so loud.**  
 **I find Amy where she's been all night but this time she's all over the quiet one.**  
"AMY LET'S GO!"  
"Fuck off Rae! I'm having a good time!"  
"AMY I'M SERIOUS I WANT TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW!"  
 **Amy breaks away from her future one night stand and becomes eye level to me.**  
"You're so fucking boring, Rae, just go home and play with your dolls, you crazy bitch!"  
"Fuck you, Amy!" I sigh.

 **I leave the party, I can feel my warm tears streaming down my face. I knew this was going to be awful.**

Just a short one!

Leave a review!


	8. Chapter 8

***RAES POV***

 _It's been a couple days since the party, nothing really important has happened. I missed Kev and Veronica's wedding because of work. Ian keeps asking me why I left though. I can't tell him. It's too embarrassing._  
 _I'm sitting in English with Lip. I think he's over our fight but I'm afraid to say anything that will set him off. So I keep most of our conversations far, far away from Karen._  
"Fiona told me that Carl broke that football players knee?"  
 **Lip starts chuckling and nodding.**  
"It was crazy, I'm telling you, I got busted for my PSAT gig, right? So everyone's scores are invalid now and that fucking kid comes into our house and hangs me outside the second story window, next thing I know I'm being dragged through the window again and Carl's hitting him in the knee with the killing bat!"  
"Yeah, you're right that sounds crazy."

 _We're walking out of English now onto History, which we also have together. On our way there I stop dead in my tracks, I can't believe what I'm seeing. It's Mitchell. I feel sick._

"Rae, you cool?"  
 _I can't move._  
"Rae? RAE?! What the fuck?"  
"Lip I gotta go, I'll see you in class." I run off before Lip can ask anymore questions.

 ***LIPS POV***  
 _That was fucking weird_.

 _I'm about to turn to follow her when I hear my name._

"YO GALLAGHER!"

 _I turn back and it's that goof Mitchell. Future Frat boy in the making, massive black eye and a cut on his lip. He probably fell doing a keg stand._

"Where'd your little friend go?"  
"What'd you want with Rae, Mitchell?"  
"That crazy bitch did this to me, she better fucking apologize."  
 _Pointing at his black eye I can't help but think why the fuck did Rae do that? She wouldn't hurt a fly._  
"You better stay the fuck away, Mitchell."  
"What the fuck you going to do about it, Gallagher!"

 _Before I can think I'm swinging at Mitchell. We wrestle on the ground for awhile when I feel some teachers pull us apart._

"YOU TWO, PRINCIPALS OFFICE, NOW!"  
 _is holding us up by the collar of our shirts and dragging our asses away._

 ***RAES POV***  
 _Where the fuck is he?_

 _I'm sitting in History wondering where Lip's gone. I mean he was closer to History than I was, I took the long way round to avoid Mitchell. Maybe he just skipped to go out with Karen? Maybe something happened at home and he needed to leave? I need to get out of class and go find him._  
 _Before I can think this through my hand sky rockets and I'm asking to leave because I'm "sick" Ms Major, our history teacher, eats it up and lets me leave. I can't stop thinking about that night, I feel his hands all over me and his body pressing against mine. I hear Amy calling me crazy over and over and over again. I feel a panic coming over me. My chest is sinking in on me and I don't know what to do. I can't breathe. I'm having an anxiety attack. I walk towards the girls bathroom, holding my head in my hands and closing my eyes as I reach the bathroom. Next thing I know I feel myself falling on the floor after hitting something._  
"Karen?"  
 _She's looking at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy._  
 _I feel my breathing slow down._  
"Are you okay!?"  
 _She helps me up and I can't help but feel foolish._  
"Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine!"  
 _I try rushing into the bathroom but she steps in front of me._  
"Can I talk to you? about Lip" _she says it so fast that it sounds like she regrets it immediately._  
 _What did he tell her?!_  
"Uh, yeah, sure."  
 _We walk into the bathroom and sit on the window ledge, cracking it a slight bit, she lights a joint and we pass it back and forth. I'm starting to feel a lot better than I was._  
"So, what do you want to talk about?"  
"How would you define me and Lip?"  
"That questions more about me than it is about Lip, don't you think" I can't help but shoot a small glare at her. I don't really know where this is going but I might as well get it out of the way.  
"Just answer the question!"  
"Fuck buddies." It comes out colder than I meant it to be. She looks disappointed.  
"I know you too are close. He talks about you all the time. I just wanted to know if he tells you things about me."  
"Listen Karen, As far as I know he likes you. A lot even. With my experience with Lip the best way to figure it out is ask him yourself."  
 _Why am I trying to console Karen right now? I should be looking for Lip._

 _She gives me a small smile but I can tell my answer hasn't satisfied her. I doubt these two will last, considering they can't even figure out what they're doing._

 _We sit by the window for a little longer. Have a polite conversation but mostly we just want to finish the joint. I hear the bell ring and I hop down from the window before I leave I turn to Karen._  
"So, uh, I guess I'll see you around?"  
"Sure."  
 **We both separate to go to our classes. But instead of going to class I head home. The day's been too long and I have to work tonight, might as well get a small nap in before I head over to the diner. Hopefully I don't run into that dickhead Mitchell again.**


	9. Chapter 9

***LIPS POV***  
 _I got detention for a week which I could honestly care less about, detention means actual quiet time to finish my work. And figure out a new way to make some money since my PSAT gig is a bust._  
 _Before I head home I stop by Rae's work to see if she's okay. She ran off pretty fast earlier, and I wanna know why she hit Mitchell like that, I mean I applaud her because he's a dick but still I'm worried about her. She hasn't been herself lately._

I walk into the diner and see Rae serving a group of elderly people sitting in a booth by the window. I sit at a small table in the corner waiting until she is alone.  
Suddenly I see that girl Amy she works with coming my way.

"Hey Lip! Missed you at the party the other night."  
"Actually Amy I was there. You were just a little too trashed to remember. Huh?"  
She purses her lips so tight you'd think they were sewn together. Amy's the sensitive type.

 ***RAES POV***  
I'm talking to a few regulars when I notice Lip walk in and take a seat. Shortly after that Amy makes her way over to Lip.  
 _Fuck_  
"Alright, well, I'll see you guys again next Tuesday?"  
I wrap up with my regulars and speed over to Lip and Amy.  
"Hey, Amy?"  
"What Rae? I'm having a conversation with our friend Lip!" She bats her eyelashes at Lip but to her dissapointment he doesn't react.  
"Amy. Fuck off"  
Amy sighs and storms off to the back. She's still mad at me for leaving her at the party and to be honest I don't give a fuck.  
I turn to Lip about to ask why he's here but before I can say anything he's already talking for the both of us.  
"I wasn't in History today because I got into a fight with Mitchell. I heard you two got into a fight as well? What the fuck is up with that Rae?"  
"Lip, I'm working!"  
"Fine! I'll meet you at your place after work. I want an answer Rae."  
"I'm off at 8. I should be home by 8:30 the latest." I say throwing my arms up in defeat. I didn't put up much of a fight because I'm too tired, and I don't want Lou to get mad.  
"Alright."  
Lip gives me a small stare before he turns to leave. I head to the back room where Amy is.  
 _What the fuck did Mitchell tell him? What did Amy tell him?_  
"Amy! What the fuck did you say to Lip?"  
"About what?"  
"That fucking shit party?"  
"I didn't say dick about that party, Rae! You're the one who left me there by myself because you can't have one night of fun! All you ever want to do is mope around about how sad your life is and how tired you are! I'm so fucking tired of it! I tried to help you lighten up and I don't even get a fucking thank you!"  
"We weren't even at that party for 5 minutes before you ditched me for a group of guys you don't even know!"  
Before I could continue the back door swings open and our boss Lou comes barging in.  
"GIRLS! KEEP IT DOWN OR TAKE IT OUTSIDE! I'M TRYING TO RUN A BUSINESS HERE!"  
 _That's Lou, the owner of the diner. He's very kind but very stern. He's your typical father figure in a story like mine._

We both go about our business and continue to work. The night goes by fast and it's now time for me to head home to deal with Lip.  
 _What am I going to fucking tell him?_


	10. Chapter 10

_Lip should be over soon and I can't stop staring at myself in the mirror._  
 _Large bags under my dark brown eyes, My large, curly brown hair is matting from being up all day. I look like I haven't rested in years. I sigh as I hear the door knock and head downstairs to go let Lip in. Once again I'm the only one home and Lip has let himself in._  
"I really don't understand why you bother knocking." _I joke with a small punch to Lips shoulder, a failed attempt at lightening the mood._

 _Lips shuffling where he stands. He's not in the mood for joking around (clearly)._  
"Is your mom home?" He finally speaks. I mean, just barely.  
"No, late shift as always. Wanna go upstairs?"  
"Yeah."

 _We head up to my room. It's quiet and the short distance we walk takes what feels like hours._  
 _I don't want to have this conversation. I just want to keep this to myself until Mitchell calms down and this is all forgotten. I mean he barely did anything right? Maybe it's my fault? Maybe I said something that lead him on? I mean I had a couple drinks I don't know what I did but it's my fault._  
 _God, I'm so scared._

We sit on my bed like we usually do. Myself at the top, legs crossed, with Lip sprawled across the rest of my bed. We sit in silence for what seems like forever until I finally break the tension.  
"

So, why weren't you in class?"  
"What happened with you and Mitchell, Rae?"  
I feel a lump in my throat. My heart is in my stomach.

 _What the fuck did he say?_  
"I..I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Cut the shit Rae! You're an awful liar and I know something happened! Why the fuck did you hit Mitchell?"  
 _Before I can open my mouth I start crying uncontrollably. I'm having another panic attack._  
 _My chest is tight and my heart is racing faster and faster each breathe I take. My body is shaking and I can't speak all I can say is utter jibberish. I feel Lip put his arm around me and pull me close._

 ***LIPS POV***

"Cut the shit Rae! You're an awful liar and I know something happened! Why the fuck did you hit Mitchell?"

The anger I feel right now is boiling through my veins. I don't usually like to yell at Rae because I know she's more sensitive than she likes to come across but I'm tired of this tip toeing. I know something happened and I want her to tell me the truth.  
I see she starts shaking. Rae shakes before she cries. Always. She's muttering nonsense to me.  
"Hey, hey come here!"

 _I pull her tightly under my arm. "Rae, I know this is hard,okay, but you gotta tell me what happened!" I whisper into her hair, hoping she can hear me over her sobs. What the fuck did that cocksucker do?_

Rae's sits up straight and takes a deep breath.  
"Okay." Her voice is shaking.  
"That night at the party, Amy left me as soon as we walked in too talk to some guys. Mitchell was one of them. He kept staring at me all night. Barely saying more than 10 words to me all night, just staring at me. Eventually I left to go find a bathroom. He followed me in there and pinned me to the wall and tried to-"  
Before she can finish she breaks into a sob again.  
 _I'm going to kill him._  
"I pushed him off me and he fell and I started kicking him. I must of kicked him until he let go and I tried to get Amy to leave with me but she wouldn't go started calling me crazy and I can't sleep all I see is Mitch-"  
 _I pull her close once again and hold her tight. I can't believe it. Why didn't I just go to the party with her. This is all my fault._  
 _We sit in silence while I listen to Rae cry for a while. She eventually stops and is just quiet. Staring at the wall._  
"Hey, Rae?"  
She doesn't turn around. Not even a blink.  
"Rae? RAE"  
She finally turns and looks at me, her face is a blank canvas.  
"Rae, do you want me to stay with you tonight?"  
She nods.  
 _I'm not really into this silent treatment because usually I can't get Rae to stop talking, but whatever makes her more comfortable._  
"Okay, Rae, I'm going to let Fiona know I'm staying tonight okay?"  
"Okay."  
 _I walk back to my house to grab some clean clothes and let Fiona know where I'll be. Usually she would look at me like I'm crazy if I even thought of staying the night at a girls, but she knows Rae is family and I think she can tell something is up._  
 _When I walk into Rae's room again I see she's already in her bed facing the opposite direction where I am. I would of assumed she was asleep until she pulled the covers back for me to get in. We lie silently til Rae finallly speaks again._  
"Hey, Lip? do you remember when we were kids and our kindergarten teacher married us?"  
"We came home from school telling your mom and Fiona that we were married, Fiona brings that up all the time she thinks it's fucking hilarious."  
 _I hear Rae laugh a little and it makes me smile a bit. She'll be okay._  
"Do you remember after my dad left and we used to sleep like this all the time?"  
"Yep."  
"Thanks."  
"No problem, Rae."  
 _I don't know why she wants to walk down memory lane like this but we go back and forth with stories like this until we fall asleep._


	11. Chapter 11

***RAE'S POV***  
I wake up the next morning by myself. Rolling over and seeing Lip is gone and I notice a note on my bedside table.

 _I had something I needed to do._  
 _See you soon._  
 _~ Lip_

I don't think much of it and just get out of bed to head for the shower. It's freezing.  
I feel the water surround me. I keep turning up the heat until I can't turn the dial anymore. I continue to wash myself but I keep hearing a familiar voice.  
"We both know you're not a masterpiece."  
I've can't stop replaying that night in my head. Mitchell's voice over and over and over again saying the same thing.  
"We both know you're not a masterpiece."  
I shake my head as if his voice will fall out, and I'll never hear him again.  
I finish up in the shower and grab some clothes out of my hamper. A ratty old pair of jeans, a black tank top and an over sized cardigan. I grab my cell and look at the time.  
"11:45? Fucking Christ."  
I don't usually sleep so late. I have no where to be today but to use this time to catch up on whatever it is I need to do. Maybe see if my mom wants to do something with me for once. I've been bailing on her a lot lately to "do homework" but I haven't even been doing that lately.  
I continue downstairs to hear my mom in the kitchen.  
"RAE!" My mom yells over to me.  
"Ma, no reason to yell I'm right behind you."  
"Sorry, baby!" She turns to kiss my cheek and continues making food.  
"I heard you in the shower so I thought'd I'd make us some lunch!"  
"What time did you get home from work? Shouldn't you be asleep?"  
"I got home about an hour an a half ago! Couldn't sleep!"  
"Oh."  
"By the way, I saw Lip leaving this morning. Something you want to tell me?"  
"Oh my god, mom! We're just friends!" I bark as we sit down to eat our food.  
"I know, sweetheart! I just mean, Lip used to sleepover only when something was wrong and you have been quite stressed lately. Is there something going on?"

 _My mom has barely been home lately and she still knows exactly what's going on in my life._

"No, Lip came over to listen to some of those Vinyls that you got me for Christmas last year and we ended up falling asleep."  
I can't tell her. I can't tell her I'm behind in school, I can't tell her about Mitchell, I can't tell her that this is the first meal I've eaten in almost 2 weeks.  
"Okay, sweetheart."  
With that my mom and I sit in silence. We finish our food and I do the dishes. She cooks, I clean. I start to head back up to my room when I hear my mom call me back once more.  
"Rae! Before I forget! I saw Fiona on her way to work today and invited the Gallaghers over for dinner! If you see Lip again today please confirm with him who is all coming! Okay?"  
"Okay, mom!"  
I continue upstairs when I hear the front door knock.  
I'm never going to make it back to my room today. I can feel it.  
"CAN YOU GET THAT PLEASE!" my mom calls from downstairs. Her room is in the basement. She must've decided to go to sleep.  
I open the door and theres Ian with a furrowed brow and worry written all over his face.  
"Everything okay?" I say as Ian walks straight into my house and sits on my couch.  
"Yeah, I mean. Have you seen Lip? He didn't come home this morning after staying here and I kind of needed to talk to him about something."  
"You can talk to me about it?"  
He gives me a small smile but I can tell I'm not the one he needs right now.  
"Maybe save it for Lip?"  
He gives me a small nod.  
"Wanna do something today Rae?" He acts like everything is fine.  
"Sure! Wanna stay here? go out? go to your place?"  
"Wanna go to the mall for a bit?"  
"Sure!" I smile,  
I haven't hung out with Ian in a while. Not since before the party really. I've seen him around and have had a few small conversations but no quality time.  
I grab my keys and we head out.  
 ***LIPS POV***  
I woke up in Rae's room feeling a slight panic I didn't know where I was. Walls plastered with posters with bands I don't listen too, a stack of records and an old record player in the corner. I roll over and see Rae's still asleep and remember why I'm here.  
Fucking Mitchell. He's dead. He's fucking dead.

I leave a note and head out. I need to find Michell.

 _I saw him working at the mall a couple weeks back.. Might as well go see if he's still working at foot locker._


	12. Chapter 12

***RAES POV***  
Ian and I are in the car singing along to _Is This It_? By The Strokes and having a good time.

 _I needed this. I missed this. I've been feeling so down lately and alone that the passed hour with Ian has been the highlight of my month._

We pull into the mall parking lot, before I can get out Ian stops me.

"Hey, before we go in I have something I need to tell you."  
"Okay?" I sit back in my seat, grabbing onto the steering wheel nervously.  
"So, I guess you know I've been seeing Kash?"  
"I do now."

I can't help but sound shocked. I mean Kash? he's like 40 and married? WITH KIDS! but whatever Ian has to tell me is more important that this, I'm assuming.

"Okay! Well, I've been seeing Kash and y'know how Mickey always gives him a hard time with shoplifting and fucking up the store. So Linda got a gun for protecting the store but Mickey stole the gun-"  
I burst into laughter, not that it's particularly funny it's just. Mickey would steal the fucking gun.  
"I'm sorry I'm sorry! Continue!"

Ian sighs a loud exasperated sigh.

"WELL! I went over the Milkoviches to find the gun once and he wasn't home and Mandy freaked out and made me leave! But a week or so later I went over to find it and ended up fighting Mickey and we ended up having sex." Ian exhales as if he's been holding this in for a lifetime.  
"WHAT? YOU HAD SEX WITH MICKEY MILKOVICH!?"  
"I wanted to tell you because I trust you and I knew you wouldn't say anything and yes and please don't tell anyone I mean Terry walked in the room while we were in bed and he didn't even notice! He said we should get out from under the covers because we looked like 'Fags' but he didn't even notice? I mean I'm fucking lucky and Mandy! Mandy has no idea!"  
"Okay okay okay! Ian relax! Breathe! I promise I won't say anything to anyone! Not even Lip! Just one question!"  
"Yeah?"  
"Why Kash? He's way too old, Ian. I mean Mickey is crazy but I would be way more comfortable with you being with Mickey than Kash. To be honest Kash sounds like a fucking pervert, Ian!"  
"It's not like that. I pursued him. an-"  
"It doesn't matter Ian, he shouldn't of acted on it. I love you, Ian and I don't want you to get hurt."  
"I know. and Lip knows and he said pretty much the same thing."  
"Than take the advice, Ian."  
He gives me a hug and a small smile. We head into the mall. Walking a short silent distance.

 ***LIPS POV***  
 _I've been at the mall for maybe 2 hours now. I see Mitchell's working. I'm waiting for when he's done or on his break, y'know when he's alone, to "talk" to him. I'm assuming/hoping he'll be done soon because he was already working by the time I got here._  
 _I can't wait to confront this motherfucker. Our fight at school was nothing compared to what I'm going to do to him today._

 ***IANS POV***  
 _I feel better after telling Rae about Mickey and I. Except she probably thinks I'm crazy since everything that comes out of my mouth now is me whining about my problems. I just feel like theres no one else I can trust, other than Lip._  
 _Speaking of Lip, why the fuck is he here?_  
He looks over at us and starts to walk over. He looks pissed. I wonder if him and Rae got into another fight?  
"Hey Ian, Rae" He nods towards Rae.  
"What are you doin' here man?"  
"You here with Karen?" I hear the confusion in Rae's voice.  
"No, I, uh, gotta talk to someone."  
"At footloc-" Rae stops mid sentence and gives Lip a look as if she's a dissapointed mother. I don't think I've ever been more confused.  
"Lip don't do anything stupid."  
"It's the best idea I've ever had as far as I'm concerned."  
"What are you two talking about!?"  
"Lip, please!"  
"Look me in the eyes and tell me he doesn't deserve it!"  
Rae falls silent as I look back and fourth between the two. Waiting for an answer.  
"Who deserves what?"  
 ***LIPS POV***  
"Who deserves what?" I hear Ian ask for the second time.  
"He's talking about Mitchell. He.. he was harassing me at school."  
 _I can't help but feel my blood boil more. Harassing her is only part of what he did. I know he didn't get a chance to go all the way with her but the idea alone that he even attempted to touch her kills me._

"What the fuck are you three doing here?"

 _I see Rae freeze. Terror on her face as he walks up to us._  
"We need to talk, Mitchell."

 ***RAE'S POV***  
 _I can't believe Lip stalked Mitchell to work to start a fight with him._  
 _Yes, I want awful things to happen to him. Not just for what he did to me but also because I don't know how many other girls he's followed into a bathroom or what else he has done to some poor girl. I feel my veins tighten and my body stiffen when I hear his voice, The blood drains from my head to my feet. I know it's been a while but I'm not over it._  
"What the fuck are you three doing here?"  
"We need to talk, Mitchell."  
 _I wish I could stop him but I can't move._  
"Oh yeah? What's this about now, Gallagher? Oh wait I think I can guess!"  
 _I can feel his eyes on me._  
"Don't talk to her!" Ian growls  
"Whatever this bitch told you ain't true, and even if it was I'd be doing her a favour!"  
 _I snap out of my trance, spinning on my heel I'm face to face with him now._  
"IT ISN'T TRUE?"  
"Nah."  
"IT'S NOT TRUE THAT YOU STARED AT ME ALL NIGHT BARELY SAYING 2 WORDS UNTIL YOU FOLLOWED ME INTO THE BATHROOM? PINNED ME AGAINST THE WALL? FORCING YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT? LAST TIME I CHECKED YOUR WORDS WERE "YOU BOTH KNOW YOU'RE NOT A MASTERPIECE" AND I KNOW THAT MUST OF HAPPENED BECAUSE I CAN'T GET YOUR STUPID FUCKING VOICE OUT OF MY HEAD!"  
 _I push him back, smacking his chest a few more times. I'm so angry I want to cry. But I won't give him the satisfaction of crying in front of him._  
 _I'm yelling so loud that everyone in within a 5 foot radius is staring at us._  
"Get the fuck off me you psycho whore!"  
 _Lip and Ian step forward as if they are about to step in but before they can even think about it I slam my fist across Mitchell's smug face. I hear a chuckle from Ian and a "Holy shit" from Lip._  
"Fuck sakes! I THINK YOU BROKE MY FUCKING NOSE!"  
"Good! You should be glad I didn't have a knife!"  
 _I spit on Mitchell and walk away. I hear a crowd (that includes the Gallagher boys) cheering and can't help but feel a smirk on my face._

 _It's been a couple hours since we were at the mall. Lip, Ian catch me up on all things Gallagher, including Franks attempt at not drinking and the gangsters that came looking for him while we are out to celebrate at a near by Wendys , we picked up Karen on our way are now on our way back to the Gallagher's. I need ice for my hand, Mitchell's thick skull definitely will leave a bruise on my knuckles._

"I can't believe you broke Mitchell's nose! I've been dreaming of doing that since the 8th grade! He's such a fucking creep!" Karen boost at me.

I think we're friends now since our chat in the bathroom but I still feel some awkwardness between us.  
We walk in through the back laughing and Fiona gives us an odd look.

"Every time you four come in laughing there is nothing good that follows."  
"I swear nothing happened!"

I walk over to the fridge to grab ice, Fiona gives me a look that reads "Yeah right!" after seeing my knuckle.  
"

Anyways you guys still going to come watch TV with us? I made popcorn!"  
"Yeah!" The three of us chime in unison!  
"Hurry up I gotta get back to work!" Ian demands as we all take our usual spots in the living room!

 _We all sit in the living room watching some docu-series about global warming or something I'm not really paying much attention I'm more focused on the bruise that's rapidly appeared on my knuckles. When all the sudden I notice Debbie isn't sitting with us. Before I can ask she comes running through the door._

"Debs? Honey, what happened?" Fiona ask Debbie but she gets not repsonse.  
"What, Dad have one too many again?"  
"You just got to ignore him when he's like that, Debs"  
"Why do you always blame dad first!"  
"Who else is there?"  
"She's over at Sheila's!"  
"WHO?"  
"Monica."  
 _The room falls silent until Steve asks who Monica is. She of course is Franks wife and the mother of the Gallagher kids. She's been gone for about a year, I think. I'm not really sure. I never really saw her around anyways. She was usually running off to get drugs on a good day or in bed on her bad days._  
 _Did she really just say Monica is back? Fiona was right, nothing good can come from the four of us laughing together._

I snap out of my thoughts to hear Debbie say something about Fiona moving next door with Steve and Ian running out.  
The rest of us including Veronica and I head over to Sheilas. Debbie holding my hand with tears coming down her face. We follow behind Fiona in silence.


	13. Chapter 13

***FIONAS POV***

 _Fucking Monica. Why the FUCK is she at Sheilas?!_  
 _Everytime everything is going smoothly,BAM Monica comes back. I can't wait to see her and find out her sorry excuse for coming back. "I want to make things right with you!" "I'm your mother I don't need a reason to be here!" Mother? HA! She should be fined for everytime she calls herself that. What a pathetic excuse for a mother she is. I swear to god she better not try to come back to the house._  
 _We turn up onto Sheila's porch and I can feel the tension even before I walk through the door of The Jackson's 2 story home. We're standing in the front foyer and I can hear her voice, shrill over Frank's gravely dirt voice._

 _I can feel the anger in me boil, the tears in my eyes well up. I can't do that. Not in front of them._

"I'm just here to rubberneck." Veronica pokes her head between the wall and me.

We stand silently as Monica gives me, and my siblings, the same look she always gives when she reappears.

"Sorry Sheila!" Debbie says her voice so quiet it would barely be considered a whisper.  
"Hey! H-Hey you guys!" Monica walks towards us and we all take a step back in unison.  
"Let's go home and talk! Please!" Monica's practically begging.  
"Fine! Really sorry Sheila!"  
 _With a 'its not big deal' wave from Sheila and an awkward walk home, we are finally back at the Gallagher house. When it dawns on me there is a big black lady walking with us._  
 _Who the fuck is she?_

 ***RAES POV***

 _I honestly feel like I should leave, this isn't any of my business but I also feel like I should be here to support the Gallaghers._  
 _I'm standing inbetween Lip and Ian. Who I didn't even realize came back, since he left a couple hours ago. He comes in and grabs my hand, Lip holds my other. I squeeze their hands to let them know that it's okay._  
 _I break out of thought when I hear Debbie scream about somebody taking Liam._

"You want to take Liam?" I feel myself blurt out.  
"No. Nobody's taking anyone anywhere." Lip explains.  
"You don't get to abandon your kids and then show up one day to take your pick of the litter."  
"OH, now, that's not fair. Your mother's made mistakes, but she's here now. That's got to count for something." Frank tries to defend but is quickly shut down by a loud 'shut up' from Fiona.  
"This isn't about you. This is about you. This is about what you didn't do. It's about what I did. And you know what? I did a fucking great job. Debbie is class president. She's on the debate team going to nationals. And Lip, he's top of his class. He set the curve! Ian was promoted in ROTC and he tested out of English. And Carl made something blow up for his science fair. And you know what? They did it all, no thanks to you, because you weren't here."

 _I can't help but form a small smile on my face listening to Fiona talk about how proud she is of these kids, fuck, I'm really proud of Fiona. But then I notice Fiona is crying which surprises me. I've never seen her cry in the years I've been close to the family, I truly can't recall a single time Fiona shedding a tear. God it must be so hard having to be strong for this entire family._

"...but I'm here now and Liam belongs with me."  
 _My smile quickly fades when I feel Lip's hand squeeze mine. I really hope they don't take Liam._  
"YOU WERE MY MOTHER TOO!"

 _I jump back at the bellowing sound of Fiona's yell. The room falls silent,except some babbling from Liam."I don't know!" He keeps crying. Now Monica is crying and frankly so am I._  
 _I zone out again thinking of all the times Monica has come back. She comes home for a short period of time, claims she's alright again, gets knocked up by Frank (we assume) shortly after that leaves. It's a never ending cycle. Honeslty someone needs to sew these two up._  
 _I snap back to reality when I notice Fiona rush passed me to get her coat._

"I'm done with the school and the bills an the clinics. I'm done. They're all yours now, Mom. Good luck."  
 _Fiona leaves with a slam of the front door._  
 _Lip, myself and Ian head out to my house so they can calm down. I ask if Debbie and Carl should come but Ian said something about they want their mom now. I think he just feels betrayed that they gave in to her. Honestly I don't blame them, If I was their age and my dad came home and apologized I'd probably forgive him too. They don't understand yet._  
 _We walk in and my mom is home, surpisingly. I tought she was working the night shift._

"Hey kids! Do you want something to eat, I'm making stew!"  
"Sure." Ian barely whispers  
"That'd be great, Lisa"

 _We sit in silence and eat, I take everyones dishes once they're done and quickly clean so we can head upstairs. I need a smoke._

"Hey, 're going to head upstairs for a while is that cool?"  
"Of course sweetheart. Ian, Lip? When you go back home take some of this food over to your sister for the little ones and her okay?"  
"Yeah no problem, Lisa!"

 ***LIPS POV***  
 _Ever since I was a kid I wished Lisa was my mom, even though she's rarely home she always has everything under control. Sometimes she was like our mom and help out Fi. Like she'd go to the school for her and find out how we're doing if Fi had to go to work late. She hasn't done that in a long time though, Most teachers thought Rae was our half sister because of it.._

"I doubt she'll stay long." Rae breaks the silence.  
"Yeah, but she wants Liam." Ian responds,

 _I really don't want to talk about it. I feel like the second I open my mouth I'll scream._

"I honestly doubt she'll take him. Listen, THERES no way she'll last a week at your house taking care of you guys. She'll go nuts with stress. Plus, Bob or Roberta or whoever that bitch was doesn't seem like "parentile" type!"  
"Yeah I guess. Lip you cool?"

 _I feel Ian and Rae staring but I don't speak I just nod and we continue passing the joint around in silence. That's all I want right now. Silence._

 **SORRY this took so long to upload, had no internet for a couple months! Sorry if this seems rushed I wrote it awhile ago and haven't reviewed it :/ just wanted to post it as fast as I could!**


	14. Chapter 14

***RAES POV***

 _I'm standing in the kitchen of the Gallagher's house with Lip sharing some cereal out of a bag watching Monica run around like a chicken with its head cut off._

"Monica, Carl needs something from you."  
Carl hands her a slip of paper and walks off.  
"What? What's this?"  
"Permission slip." Lip leaves my side to make more coffee. I think it's his third since I got here.  
"You're going to the aquarium. When?"  
"Today. I need $10."  
"What for?"

 _I hate Bob so much. She hasn't even been here a day and she's already barking orders at everyone. I swear I heard her call Debbie 'Betty' this morning._  
 _When no one's looking I slip Carl a twenty, give him a wink and a nudge and move away. If Bob's not going to let Monica give him money why can't I? Lip must of noticed because I catch him smiling at me._  
 _Shortly after we start to head out the door and towards my car for school. Lip stays behind to talk to Monica. I gotta remember to ask him about that when we're alone. I hear Bob, still barking._

 _On our way to my car I see Fiona looking out Mr. Harris' window. We exchange sympathetic smiles and small waves. When all the sudden I'm startled by the sound of a door slam, I turn on my heels, seeing Lip and Monica come charging off the Gallagher property and onto the sidewalk._

 ***LIPS POV***

"Next time you're thinking about dropping in, don't. You've fucked up our lives enough already."  
And hopefully it gets through her fucking thick skull this time.  
"Shotgun!"

 _I put on a fake smile for my little brother and sister climbing into Rae's car. We drop off Carl and Deb's first and head out to school. All I can think about is ways to get Bob out of our house WITHOUT Liam going with her._  
"I hate Bob. I hate her so much. I hate that fat fucking lesbian, Lip, I hate her."

 _Ian and I can't help but laugh at Rae's confession. She's talking so fast and loud it sounds like she's been holding it in for years._

"Yeah, I'm not much of a fan either, Rae." _Ian sitting in the back staring out the window as we pull into the High School, it's going to be a long fucking day._

 ***FIONAS POV***

 _I'm trying to set up this phone Steve gave me while I wait for V to get over here but all I can think about is the kids. Monica can't cook, she didn't read to them last night and Bob's been yelling orders at the kids all morning. I don't want to admit it but it really is driving me crazy. I mean, one time she fucking left Carl at Oktoberfest until November, burned a hole in Liam's footy pajamas once while smoking while nursing and oh I don't know ABANDONED HER KIDS!_

"FI!" _Veronica is yelling from the front door. I'm sitting in my new kitchen, I guess. God, this place looks a lot like ours. Just backwards._

"I'm in the kitchen!"  
"How you holding up, babe?"  
"Ugh, Veronica, I don't know how much more I can take before I explode!"  
Veronica is rubbing my back while I'm still trying to figure out this phone.  
"So, the house?"  
"Yeah, we need to get a couch. Think we could borrow Kev's truck?"  
"You're going to stay here?"  
"God, I hope they don't think I abandoned them too, it just broke my fucking heart seeing Debbie and Carl hug her like that. They must be so devasted. I mean imagine your mother coming back after leaving you for so long but, here's the kicker, she only came back to take care of one of her kids. Y'know just taking her pick of the litter. Fuck. They don't deserve this, V. I wish there was some way I could stop her from taking Liam."  
 _Sometimes I think Veronica and I share a brain. She doesn't even mind I changed the subject, I know she knows I won't, frankly can't stay here. I gotta go back to the kids, maybe we could join the houses? Wouldn't that be a fucking dream?_

 ***LIPS POV***  
 _I came up with an idea. Actually Rae gave me the idea. Blood test. Monica and Bob are going to have to get a blood test to prove Liam isn't Franks so why don't we go get blood tests? I mean I think she was kidding at the time but honestly theres no real proof any of us are Franks. So now Ian and I are going to the clinic to find out how easy it is to get a DNA test. I asked Rae if she wanted to come but she said she had a test or something, to be honest I think she thinks it's a bad idea._  
 _I see Ian sitting with Mandy outside the school sharing a smoke._

"Mandy." I say reaching for Ian's smoke.  
"Lip" she coo's  
"That's a nice outfit. What is that, uh, pirate wench?"  
"You like?"

 _I think Mandy's got a bit of a crush on me. I catch her staring sometimes. I don't mind the attention though. Usually I'd keep this going back and forth for a bit but I got stuff to do._

"What's your,uh, third period?"  
"Health. Why?"  
"Think we need to miss some school."

 _With that my brother joins me without any questions (yet) We head towards the parkling lot before he stops me_.

"Parking lot? We going somewhere with Rae?"  
"Nah."  
"Then why the fuck are we going this way? We don't have a car!"  
I hadn't told Ian that I've been helping Steve out with his business lately. Didn't want the lecture.  
"Borrowing from a friend."

 _My brother glares at me but drops the question for now. As we get into the car and I start to drive the opposite direction of where we'd normally would go to skip he starts getting a little flustered._

"Listen I got the best fucking idea, dude!"  
"Using some sort of rubber would stop you from getting anymore VD's?"  
"HA HA really funny. Can I continue? Okay! DNA Test!"  
"What?"  
"We get DNA test! Why does Liam get to have all the fun? Why don't we get DNA test to see if we're Frank's! All we gotta do is wait for Monica and Bob to leave!" See how their results go-"  
"You want us to stalk Monica and then get DNA test?"  
 _Why is he looking at me as if I'm speaking fucking french._  
"YES!"  
"Lip what the fuck is that going to prove!"  
"Dude just trust me!"  
"Alright, fine."  
 _Honestly, I'm not sure what these DNA test will prove._


	15. Chapter 15

***RAES POV***

 _Karen and I are walking home from school, She's coming over to my place to hangout. It's still kind of weird that we've become friends but I geniunely like Karen. She's not such a bitch like everyone thinks. From our conversations I've come to the conclusion she's incredibly sensitive, like me. The only thing is she talks about Lip a lot. I don't know if it's my forementioned over sensitivity or what but sometimes I wonder if the only reason she spends her free time with me is to dig for dirt._

"So, have you heard from Lip, lately?" _See what I mean?_

"Not since he went to get DNA test with Ian. He told me he'd call and let me know what was going on but I figured with Monica back he's probably insanely busy not going insane."

"I get that. Is she really as bad as he says?"

"To be honest. I feel bad for Monica sometimes. I mean, she sucks for leaving but at the same time imagine if you were married to fucking Frank? Plus the bipolar doesn't help...or her denial of being bipolar."

 _We walk into my house and go into my living room, once again my mom is at work._

"You're dad left right? Would you forgive him if he came back?"

 _I'm a little taken back by how blunt this question is, and for the first time in my life I realise I have no idea how to answer this question. Theres one part of me that says 'no, not at all' BUT another part of me says 'yes, he's my dad! He MUST have good reason!' I feel pathetic._

"You don't have to answer that. That was rude. I'm sorry"

"Oh no,no,no! It's fine, I just, I just don't know!"

 _We sit quietly for a bit. I get tired of the silence but I still don't want to talk so I get up and get my portable record player my mom bought me for Christmas. I grab one of my vinyls (HUMBUG- ARCTIC MONKEYS) for us to listen to._

"All dad's suck! But this album is great!"

 _I'm trying to lighten the mood but I end up sounding like a stupid fucking t-shirt._  
 _Karen gives me a big smile and we listen to records for a while and get high._  
 _"Do you think Monica will leave again?"_  
"Definitely. And without Liam, she was born with the ability to have children, not with the ability to raise them."  
"Didn't you say you feel bad for her?"  
"Yes, SOMETIMES."  
"I get it! I get it!" _Karen throws her hands in the air as to say 'I surrender'_  
"Karen can I ask you something?"  
"About my mom?"  
"Yeeeah.."  
"She's an agoraphobic and she's also a misophobia, afraid of dirt or being contaminated by dirt. She has extreme anxiety and she's on a drawer full of medication, she's better than Martha Stewart when it comes to cooking and crafts and that shit. She's pretty much the perfect mom except she doesn't leave the house."  
"Yeah, Lip told me she was nice. Is it hard?"  
"What hard?"  
"Helping your mom out? Y'know since she doesn't leave the house?"  
"Yeah, it can be. It's harder when my piece of shit father is around. He's always making jabs about her and laughs when she says she's going to leave the house AND to top it all off he won't stop talking about some purity ball he wants me to go to. Y'know I go and become a born again virgin?"  
"What do you get out of it?"  
"I don't know he says I can have the car. Which is fucking great but I don't want to go to a purity ba-"

 _Before Karen finishes her thought Lip walks through the front door. He looks over at us completely confused._

"Didn't think I'd ever see you two hanging out!"  
"Our shitty dads brought us together. Come! Join! We're trying to find a place that does dad refunds, and last time I checked you were viable in this situation!"  
"Fuck off!" _Lip says with a small laugh and throwing a piece of paper at my head._  
"What's this?" _Karen ask as she unravels the paper._  
"DNA test. Ian's."  
"HOLY SHIT!"  
"What?"

 _I grab the paper from Karen. It says Ian isn't Franks. I'm surprised but at the same time, it makes sense. He looks nothing like Frank. I mean NOTHING. I also noticed they never had much of a connection. Not that the Gallaghers have much connection to Frank that wasn't just him being their father, they barely even make eye contact when they are near eachother. I've hardly heard the two say anything to eachother in the years I've been friends him. I hope he's okay! Ian's more sensitive than Karen and I combined._

"Yeah, it's why I've been M.I.A. trying to find out who's Ian's dad."  
"It said it was a family member on there does Frank got any brother?"  
"Yeah, I heard Frank mutter about them once or twice."  
"Yeah, we had to go see Grammy to see if they're easy to find."  
"And?" Karen asks.  
 _I can't stop reading that little paper._  
"Yeah, we talked to one yesterday, Looked exactly like Frank and threaten to shoot us. Don't think he's the one. Tomorrow we're going to see the other, fingers crossed!"  
"Fingers crossed for what?" I've broken my attention from the results and now Lip has my full attention.  
"Fingers crossed he's not Franks!"  
"Why? What if his real dad wants him to go live with him and you never get to see him again?!"  
"You're being dramatic Rae!"  
"Am I? Why do you want to know who Ian's dad is so bad? Is Ian this excited?"  
"No! He's not!"

 _Lip's temper is rising and I know why. It's about him, he wishes he wasn't Franks, more so than the other kids, I think it's because he's afraid of becoming Frank. Right now I feel bad for Karen who's just a bystander right now. Usually when Lip and I get into it. We get INTO it._

"You know why he doesn't care Lip? Because he knows he's not going to end up like Frank! Just because you're his son doesn't mean you'll end up like him! You are your own person and so is Ian!"

 _Before Lip can respond my mom walks in with groceries. Surprise to me (and my pot on the table which is now being shoved down Karen's bra) Lip leaves before we can say anything else to him. Karen helps me and my mom bring in groceries._

"Do you want to stay for dinner sweetheart?"  
"Oh! No! My mom probably has a big meal planned! Thank you though!"  
 _My mom smiles and goes back to what she's doing. While her back is turned Karen gives me back my pot and I quickly stuff it into my bra before she leaves I walk her out the front door._  
"Sorry about earlier."  
"It's okay, you were right, Lip has more daddy issues than us."  
"I wouldn't go that far!"  
 _We share a small laugh and go about our ways._  
 _I need to talk to Ian._


	16. Chapter 16

***RAE'S POV***

 _It's the next day and I'm on my way to the Gallagher house to see if they want a ride to school. I was ready to walk into a kitchen drowning with the sounds of Bob's booming voice and Monica's panic. But to my surprise neither of them were there. Apparently they left a couple nights ago without Liam. I'm so out of the loop._  
"Hey sweetheart!" Fiona says patting me on the head as she rushes past.  
"Lips upstairs!" She continues, as she rushes past me again in the opposite direction.  
"I'm actually looking for Ian!"  
"UPSTAIRS!" I don't even know where she is but I hear her voice.

 _I head up the stairs to go talk to Ian. I just want to make sure he's okay, considering Lip is making him go see his potential fathers...what a weird thing to say..._  
 _I reach the boys door before I can knock it comes flying open and Lip is pulling me inside. It's like our fight never happened._

"Where's Ian?"  
"He's in the shower!"  
"Oh."  
"So, you coming with us to meet our uncle/ Ian's possible dad?"  
"You want me to come?"  
"Yeah!"  
"You're not mad anymore?"  
"No, uh, sorry about that, It's just been a little stressful lately."  
"Right on. I get it."  
 _Ian walks in a towel and embarrassment immediately washes over his face when he realizes I'm there._  
"Oh my god hi!" _He's trying to hide his body by turning around but honestly I've seen almost all the Gallaghers naked. This is nothing new for me._  
"I'll let you get dressed."

 ***IAN'S POV***

 _Lip, Rae and myself are on our way to go meet one of Frank's other brothers, also my possible father. I don't want to be here but it's important to Lip. Why? I don't know._

"Almost there Ian! You excited?!" _Rae's so cute. I can tell she's really excited. I think more to just be out with us than anything._  
"Oh yeah!"

 _I say trying my hardest to sound convincing. She smiles at me with a look in her eyes that says she's sorry. She can tell I don't want to do this._  
 _This won't prove anything. Other than Monica is CLEARLY a great role model._  
 _We walk up to a brown stone house. Nice, unlike ours. Lip is already knocking on the door before I can even think twice about doing this. I hear the door open and I take in a LARGE breathe._  
 _Here we go._


	17. Chapter 17

***RAES POV***

 _That was incredibly awkward. I left the boys the otherday to go about their business I had to be at the diner in an hour. Haven't heard much from them since. Or Karen for a matter of fact. Hm._  
 _Work's been brutal lately because of Amy. She would steal my tips and occasionaly tried to trip me. Then the other day she got caught taking from the register and got fired. Now that we are down a waitress I have to pick up the slack. Most of the other waitresses are older and don't want to work late because of their kids. Usually I would be happy for the extra hours but with everything happening with Lip and Ian, I'm just too damn tired._  
 _Suddenly my phone starts ringing and I see it's Amy._

"What the fuck" _I mutter to myself._  
"What do you want Amy?"  
"It's good to hear from you too, Raeanne! Just calling to see if you seen that video of your new bestfriend fucking your old bestfriends Dad?"  
"New bestfriend? What the fuck are you talking about? You fucking clepto."  
"Ever heard of Daddyz girl?"  
"No?"  
"I'd check it out if I were you, Everyones talking about it, don't want to be behind in the times!"  
 _Amy hangs up before I can respond._  
"She's such a cunt."  
 _I grab my laptop and I search 'Daddyz girl' what the fuck is she talking about my new bestfriend fucking my old best friends dad? who could she be talk- oh my god._  
 _The video loads and I see Karen straddling Frank naked. Saying something about her dad. Then I remember that she said everyone's seen it. I throw my laptop down and run downstairs put my shoes on and run out to the Gallaghers. I walk in without knocking and go straight to Lip and Ians room._  
"NICE TO SEE YOU TOO RAE!"  
"SORRY FIONA HI!"  
 _Lips sitting on his bed with his Jacket and boots on._  
"Fiona will kill you if you get mud on your sheets." I say trying to catch my breath.  
"Shit, Rae did you just run a fucking mile?" Ian inquires.  
"Sort of. Lip you okay?"  
"You seen it?"  
"Yeah."  
"Seen what? What the fuck are you two talking about?"  
 _I look between the two, I don't want to be the one to say it._  
"Karen fucked Frank!" Lip spits.  
"What?!" Ian stands up looking at me for confirmation I just look at my feet.  
"Don't believe me Ian? Look it up! Daddyz girl! With a Z!" Lip throws Ian the laptop and hops down from the top bunk and grabs me by my arm.  
"We're going out for a bit."  
 _I notice he has blood on his knuckles. For the first time for as long as I've known Lip, this is the first time I've ever been scared of him._  
 _We head outside and towards my car. I feel like I'm being kidnapped. He finally lets go of my arm. It's turned red and I'm freezing because I didn't put my coat on._  
"You got your keys?"  
"Uh, no they're inside I'll go in and grab them..and a jacket."  
"Kay."  
 ***LIPS POV***

 _Leaning against Rae's car I take out my last smoke and light it up._  
"She fucked Frank" _I quietly say to myself while pinching the skin on my nose._  
"You alright?" _Rae timidly asks while slowly closing the door behind her._  
"SHE FUCKED FRANK!" _I yell. Rae trips back and falls backwards on the step. I rush over to help her up_.  
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you!"  
"It's alright. Where do you want to go?"  
"I need smokes and I need food." _I say putting my arm around Rae. We get in her car and head off._  
 ***RAE'S POV***  
 _We've been driving around in silence for almost an hour. Lip can't decide on where he wants to eat. I start pulling into a restaurant. It's some chain Italian restaurant. He looks at me confused._  
"Listen, we're wasting my gas and I want pasta. Food's on me let's go."

 _We're seated in a booth in the back. We order a bunch of food mainly because I'm starving and to take the rest home to the Gallaghers. Usually Lip would be livid if I offer to pay but clearly he's got other things on his mind._  
"So. You going to tell me who's blood is on your knuckles."  
"Franks" _I'm taken back by the immediate answer._  
'Lip can I be honest with you?"  
"What?"  
"I'm surprised you care so much, I mean I get it, It's Frank,, I'd want you to knock me out if I ever had sex with Frank but it's not like you and Karen were exclusive, I mean you fucked Daniel or Daniella like last week? I've seen you flirt with Mandy Milkovich and she's been going out with guys too?"  
"It's Frank."  
"I know! I know! I'm just saying, Karen's going through something probably. I mean why is she got chopped black hair and those piercings? Karen would never rather be caught dead then look like that."  
"I don't know she's mad at her dad and she's mad at me too..."  
"Why?"  
"I called her a whore...and uh. Told her I loved her during sex."  
"You love her?" I can't help but smile a little bit. I mean Philip Gallagher in love?  
"No, I mean maybe, I don't fucking know."  
"So you're mad because she had sex with Frank after you said you loved her and she didn't reciprocate?"  
"No, she broke up with me."  
"Were you dating tho?"  
 _He just looks out the window. No response. We eat in silence for a while. Get our left overs to go and head back home._  
"Hey, Rae?"  
"Yeah? Can you drop me off at Karens?"  
"Yeah, sure." I smile at him.  
 _I hope this works out. Lip's been really happy with Karen. He's not the happiest person either so It makes me happy to see him happy._  
 _I drop him off at the Jacksons. Head over to the Gallaghers to bring the leftovers._


	18. Chapter 18

***RAE'S POV***  
"Karen, I really have no idea what I'm doing?"  
"It's fine! You're fine! Believe in yourself!"

 _Karen came over so I could get the black dye out of her hair. Her and Lip are all good right now but they aren't together. I don't ask to be honest._

"This stuff smells AWFUL!" I somehow muster through coughing.  
"Yeah but hopefully it works!"  
"So, how's your meetings going?"

 _Karen just started going to sex addicts anonymous._

"It's going so good! I feel like I'm really getting my shit together!  
"That's good, I'm happy for you!"

 _We exchange smiles and continue washing out Karen's hair. Takes a couple of tries but it's finally blonde again. I can't believe I got it done._

"Thank god, I thought I'd have to shave my head!"  
"Or kill me."  
"Never in a million years! What time is it?"  
"I don't know like 4?"  
"Shit! I gotta go! Meeting in half an hour!"  
"Yeah no problem! See you in school tomorrow?"  
"Of course!"

 _With that Karen's left and I'm alone. I flop on my bed and get ready to start studying. Summer vacation is in a little over a month and exams are coming fast._  
 _I've been so stressed lately too with exams and work I've barely been eating. I do that a lot though. I'll bounce back. Once everything is in control again. Then I'll eat the biggest meal and go back to being healthy and everything. I don't think anyone has noticed. At least I hope not._  
 _With that thought there is a loud bang on my door. Which could only mean one thing._

"Hey Rae, what are we doing today?"

 _Two Gallagher boys come charging in my room and take over as if they call my room their home._

"Don't wait for a response or anything? JUST COME RIGHT ON IN!"  
"Yeah no problem! 11 Physics? Easy!" _Lip says flopping next to me on my bed grabbing my text book._  
"Well as you can see I'm studying tonight."  
"No way!' _Lip shuts my textbook and throws it on my bed next to me._

"It's Friday! I don't work! You don't work! Let's all do something! It's been a while!"

 _It really has been a while. I've actually been spending more time with Karen than I have the Gallaghers, believe it or not! And if I'm not with Karen I'm working almost 40 hours a week. We're short staffed still and can't afford to hire anyone right now._

"I don't know, I really need to study, exa-"  
"Exams aren't for 3 more weeks! You have PLENTY of time to study! Plus you're good at physics, you don't need to study! LET'S GO!" _Lip grabs my hand and pulls me off my bed. I guess I won't be studying tonight._

 _Before I know it we're out the door and heading to the Gallagher home._  
"Gallagher party tonight?" _Why else would they drag me out of my house?_  
"That sounds like a good idea, Rae!"  
"I'll get Fiona!" Ian runs into the house while Lip and I are still walking behind him.  
"So, Rae? How you been lately? You're a little M.I.A. to say the least."

 _He gives me a small nudge, now I know why he didn't rush into the house like Ian._  
"Yeah, Just working a lot."  
"You sure everything's good? You're looking a little...uh... sick lately?"  
"What do you mean? I feel fine!"  
"You're pretty fucking thin these days, Rae! More than usual! Are you eating?"  
"Yeah of course!"  
"Don't lie to me!"  
"I'm not lying!" _but I am, I haven't been eating, I mean I've been snacking, sort of, I mean. I haven't had like a full meal in, um, I don't know how long. But that's none of his business._  
 _We stare at each other for a while, neither willing to give in, or willing to be the first to speak. Thankfully Ian comes bursting out the door._

"Fiona says sure! But we gotta go get Kev and V!"  
"Sounds good." _Lip says without breaking eye contact with me. We head over the Ball residence._  
"Everything alright? You two seem tense." _Ian inquires._  
"Perfectly fine!" _I say with a bright smile. No need to ruin the Gallagher party tonight with my "problems" Ian shrugs it off as we head up Kev and V's front steps._  
"YO! KEV! IT'S LIP!"  
"You could just knock?" I ask.  
"These two? They never answer when you kno-"  
 _Before Lip can finish his sentence Kevin swings the door open only wearing a towel and looking incredibly annoyed._  
"This better be important Gallagher!"  
"Hey, Kev, uh, sorry to interrupt! Fiona told us to come over and tell you to come over tonight!" _Ian is so awkward sometimes I die, like it's just Kevin!_  
"Gallagher party!" _I poke my head between the two boys and chime in!_  
"Alright then! I'll let Veronica know! We'll be over in a bit!"  
"See ya Kev!"  
 _The door closes we walk back in silence again._

 ***FIONA'S POV***

"So we're having a party tonight!" Debbie ask  
"I mean, yeah! Just Kev and Veronica and Rae! Not a big party!"  
"No Steve?"  
 _She's been asking about Steve a lot latetly but I haven't heard from him in a while, not since he left. He'll be back soon...maybe._  
"Finish your homework. Where's Carl?"  
"Outback!"  
 _I run out back and see Carl with garden sheers. I didn't think we own garden sheers!_  
"CARL!"  
"WHAT!?"  
"Put down the garden sheers and come inside!"  
 _This kid is going to kill me I swear!_  
"So what about Steve!" _I've barely set my foot back in the house!_  
 _I hear the front door close and for a split second I think it's Steve. But it's just the boys and Rae. Who isn't looking too good lately. I won't pry though, I already got too many kids to take care of._  
 _"Hey! What did they say!"_  
"They're coming!"  
"Okay, great! Rae your mom came by earlier and dropped off food, while you guys were at school and said she assumed you'd be coming by tonight and you'd eat here!" _Thank god for Rae's mom or we'd starve some days I swear!_  
"Yeah, she left me a note, some times I swear she's psychic!"  
 _Rae sits with Debbie and starts helping her with her homework. She's such a sweet kid. Then I notice Lip sulking in the corner, nothing new, He hasn't been hanging out with Karen a lot lately. She goes to some sort of meetings now and has little time for Lip. Which clearly bothers him. Sometimes he's so transparent. Makes my job so damn easy!_  
"Lip can you help me clean up the living room? Ian can you set the table for dinner and uh, get Carl in here!"  
"No, problem!" _Ian rushes to the back door while I take Lip aside in the living room._  
"What's up? You don't seem so cheerfull like you were an hour ago?"  
"Nothing. Hey, uh, Rae look a little thin to you?"  
"I mean she's always been a skinny girl, Lip."  
"No, I know, but does she look skinnier to you?"  
 _She does but I don't want him to worry too much so I just reassure him it's nothing and to cheer up for the party tonight._  
 _We clean up the dishes and garbage left by Frank and set for dinner._

 ***Rae's POV***

"See Debs! You're getting it!"  
"Well when you explain it like that it doesn't seem so hard!"

 _Debbie's so sweet! She makes me wish I had a little sister sometimes, my house can be so lonely!_  
 _Ian comes back in with Carl, garden sheers in his hands._  
 _Now Carl, makes me second guess having siblings or even my own children._

"Hey, Carl doing some gardening?"  
"You can say that!"  
"He was trying to climb the pole outside so he could cut the laundry line! But he was actually going to the power lines!"  
"How am I supposed to know the difference!"  
"Ones electric, 2 feet higher and not attached to our house stupid!"

 _Debbie chimes in._  
 _Carl smacks Debbie's arm and a fight breaks out between the two. While I help Ian prepare dinner._  
 _Of course my mom made my favourite, Lasagna, AND enough to feed an army. Just like Lip, she thinks I'm too skinny and is trying to fatten me up. But I'm fine! I don't need to eat right now! I have more important things to do. How am I supposed to not eat in front of 6 people. Especially in front of Lip, who with out a doubt will be watching my every move!_  
 _With that last thought my stomach starts growling._

"Hungry?" _Ian smirks_  
"Ha ha little bit!"

 _Ugh, I'll just take a tiny plate and say I ate before I got here! Eat just a little bit and no one will be the wiser and my stomach will settle. Everything will be fine!_  
 _Kevin and Veronica come through the door, with extra glasses and a giant bottle of Vodka!_  
"Great just in time for dinner!" _Kevin says sitting down at the counter where Ian and I are standing._  
"Hey, baby how are you?" _Veronica says to me as she gives me a small hug._  
"Good!"  
"Rae, tell your mom that we are more than willing to accept any food she has to offer, this lasagna is fucking amazing!"  
"Kevin, wait for everyone else, jesus!" _V says she a smirk and a small shake of her head_.  
"What!?"

 _Everyone else comes in and settles for dinner! I feel Fiona and Lip catching small glances over at me, I make sure to take a few bites every time they look over my way. So they don't think anything suspicious!_  
 _The rest of the night includes loud music, Fiona and Veronica drunk dancing while Lip, Ian and I take turns smacking Carl away from our joint! Eventually everyone left for bed and Frank stumbled in and passed out on the floor._  
 _I didn't want to admit it but I really needed this night. I miss the Gallaghers._


	19. Chapter 19

***RAES POV***  
 _It's dead at the diner lately, I kind of love it because, Shawn, our new manager, is super relaxed and let's me study when it's not busy!_

"Hey Rae, if it stays dead tonight you can head home a little early if you would like!" _Shawn says emerging from the kitchen._  
"I might take you up on that!"  
"Alright you just let me know alright?"  
 _I smile up at him. He's such a nice guy! Our old manager left to work at some other diner because he thought we were going to get shut down but the owners just sold it and now the diner is becoming a 'Patsy's pies!" cute huh?_

 _Shawn's also hired a couple new waitresses from some program, all fresh off parole. I think it's great to be honest. Hopefully Amy isn't a parolee that gets her old job back._  
 _An hour goes by and we haven't had a single customer, Shawn comes out from his office looking a little more tired than before, almost strung out._

"Hey, Rae! I'm going to close up early instead! You can just head on home, alright? You need a ride?"  
"No, I'm alright I got a car! You okay Shawn?"  
"Little sleepy that's all!"  
"Okay" _I give him a sympathetic smile while I grab my books and leave._  
 _Instead of heading home I head over to the Gallaghers place and walk in._  
 _No answer when I call out a 'Hello' so I head out to the backyard. Everyone is sitting quietly sitting outside drinking, clearly just finished swimming._

"You guys finally got the pool up?"  
"Hey!" _I get a loud greeting from my second family._  
"Yeah, just finished about 2 hours ago-ish, off work early?" _Ian ask handing me a beer._  
"Yeah, my boss was being weird and decided to close up early."  
"Weird? He harrassing you?" _Steve asks more concerned than needed, causing everyone look at me with panic written all over their faces._  
"No, no, no! He just looked a little...um...like Frank after a long weekend?"  
"Ha! Or any time!" _V says louder than I expected._  
"So what have you been up to? Where's Lip?"  
"Ian just got home, Debbie and Carl went to bed about 10 minutes before you walked out and Lip, I think is at Karen's?" _Fiona fills me in._  
"Yeah, "studying" for exams tomorrow!" _Ian says with air quotes._  
"Ugh, don't remind me! I should actually go soon, my exams at 8! What about you?"  
"I don't have one tomorrow! Mine are next week. Just stay! You'll be fine!"  
"Okay, but only like, an hour more!" _I say looking at my watch._

 _I really shouldn't I can't afford to fuck up on these exams. I'll go crazy if I don't keep my grades up. The principal said I have a chance at getting a scholarship if I can't afford school. Which would be great since I only have one job now and the Patsy's is only doing okay._  
 _Next thing I know that hour turned into 3 and I'm falling on my bed at 1am. Those Gallaghers sure know how to entertain. I set my alarm and pray I do okay._


	20. Chapter 20

***Rae's Pov***

 _I wake up to my alarm screeching in my left ear. I jump in a panic. Looking at my clock and realize I don't need to freak and just start getting ready, I can't risk being late even by a second. It's 5:30AM. I have a quick shower and make a coffee. I haven't had a lot of sleep but I'm definitely running on pure adrenaline. It's now only 6:00AM. I might as well study for an hour. I could use it._  
 _As I'm studying I hear my mom getting up. I swear I haven't seen her in a month._  
 _My door opens a crack and she comes in with a big smile on her tired face._

"Hi, sweetheart! Just making sure you're up and ready for your test!"  
"Yeah, just getting some last minute studying in!"  
"Are you nervous?" _She ask sitting on my bed._  
"No, I mean, kind of but no more nervous than anyone would be."  
"Alright sweetheart." _She leans in and kisses my forehead._  
 _Before I know it, I'm heading over to the Gallaghers to pick up Lip._  
"Philip! Let's go!" _I scream heading upstairs._  
"I'm coming, fuck!" _Lip appears heading out his door with his bag draped over his shoulder._  
"You ready?" _I ask_  
"Fuck, Rae, I read this textbook a long time ago, I was born ready." _Lip puts his arm around my shoulder as we walk up to my car._  
"Famous fucking last words." _We break apart and get into the car._  
 _Before I know it, I'm walking into my exam._  
 _Lip behind me and Karen just to the left._

"Okay, you're all old enough, I doubt I have to walk everyone through this, number 2 pencil, eyes on your own paper, you can leave after the hour and a half mark, if you need to go to the bathroom hold it in, etc, etc, etc." _Mr. Ellement is a real charmer._

 ***LIPS POV***

 _I can' wait to get this Exam over with, Rae and I both have 2 more then it's summer. Maybe she'll finally relax. She looks like she's going to have a fucking heart attack. I can't wait to hang out with her and Karen this summer and just relax. That's all I want is to fucking relax._  
 _Time flew by and It's already at the hour and a half mark. I've been finished for almost 20 minutes. Waiting til I can finally leave._  
 _I stand up to hand in my exam, passing the girls, Karen looks relaxed and as if she's almost done. She made me help her study last night so she's probably breezing by. Rae looks like she's going to pass out. I lied, she really needs to relax not me._  
 _I head outside for a smoke and wait for my friends._

 ***RAE'S POV***

 _Fuck. I should of gone to bed early last night, I'm so god damn tired. I know the answers I do. It's just I can't get them out. It's like I can barely speak english right now. Ugh, I'm going to kill Ian._  
 _Next thing I know I'm done and checking everything over. 2 minutes to spare, Lip's been out of here for like what half an hour? I doubt he even studied. I wish my brain worked like his_.  
"Alright, pencil's down! Times up!"  
 _Thank god I finished in time...at least._  
 _I get up and hand my exam in and walk out with Karen trailing not so far behind._  
"Hey, Rae! Wait up!"  
"Shit sorry, didn't realize I was walking so fast."  
"You alright? You're like sweating!"  
"I'm fine! Just ugh, glad it's over! I gotta pee!" _I practically run off to the bathroom. I think I'm going to_ _puke._  
 _I splash cold water on my face, taking a glance in the mirror and realize I look like shit. The water made me feel more refreshed but fuck. I am getting skinnier, and the bags under my eyes are so damn dark. No wonder everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay every fucking second. Next thing I know my chest is tight and I'm on my knees in front of the toilet puking._  
"Rae?"  
"Lip you can't come in here!"  
"Karen, told me you ran off and fuck off we smoke in here all the time."  
 _Before I respond I'm retching again._  
 _I feel someone take my hair out of my hands and hold it._  
 _It's Karen._  
"Lip you can go I can sit with her."  
"It's fine! I'm fi-hnngh"  
"Yeah you sound amazing! Alright fine, I'll go get her some water. Think I'm going to throw up soon anyways."  
 _I feel my stomach settle and sit back against the stall across from Karen._  
"You need to take it easy." _she says as I reach across to flush._  
"I'm fi-"  
"Fine, I heard you, all 900 times you've said it. You look like shit, you're never around. I get it, you're stressed and tired but honestly you need to take some time and relax. You're really fucking smart, Rae! You don't need to study for a thousand hours! You're like Lip you could walk into any exam and get 100% without even trying! Do you work tonight?"  
"Yeah."  
"No, you don't call in! Come out with Lip and I! Come eat dinner at my house! My mom will go nuts to have people over!" _Karen hands me her cell as Lip walks back in to some girl shrieking._  
"Shut up Danielle!" _I find myself barking out._  
 _Lip hands me my water and I'm dialing works number. I'm so exhausted to argue with them._  
"Who she calling?" _Lip quietly ask Karen while I talk to Shawn._  
"Work. She's going to come out with us tonight!"  
"Right on."  
"Shhh!" I shush them as Shawn is telling me to get better and I'm doing my best "I have a cold!"  
"Alright fine! But I have one more exam today, It's only english though. I can get that done in no time!"  
"You sure you can?"  
"Yeah! It's fine! It's in like half an hour anyways!"

 _I chug back my water as I have two sets of eyes staring me down. I'm going to start getting better as of tonight! I'm going to eat more than a handful! I'm going to go to bed early! I'm going to be good from now on! Hopefully. Just breathe. Just breathe, Raeanne._  
 _I head off to my exam before I can think, it's done. I told you English! Easy!_  
 _I go outside and see Lip, Karen and Ian leaning on my car._  
"How you feeling?" _Ian throws an arm around me._  
"I need gum. I can still taste it."  
"Yeah we can smell you." _Lip winks, Karen smacks his arm. We get in my car and head out._  
"Rae, think you can stomach food?"  
"Yeah, I'm starving!"

 _I can feel their eyes on me. I'm going to prove to them I'm fine! I can get better whenever I want!_  
 _We pull into a restaurant. The same italian place Lip and I went to not so long ago._  
 _We have a great time, eating and shooting the shit. I feel like we were there too long after we finished eating. I ate so much I almost threw up again. Maybe I shouldn't of pushed my self like that but everyone was watching me. I had to prove them wrong._

"Shit! Karen I forgot you said we were going to your place!"  
"Don't worry my mom won't start dinner until we walk in. Plus it's only 2! We have plenty of time!"  
"I don't think I can eat ever again!" _Ian says throwing his napkin down._  
 _Lip grabs Ian's plate and continues to eat._  
"What? I didn't say I was done?"

 _We share a laugh and I shake my head. I need to stop complaining and get out more._


	21. Chapter 21

***Rae's POV***

 _It's been a few weeks since schools been out and I feel so good. So, so, so good! I've gained weight and I've been seeing my friends more. I knew I'd get better! I was just having a bad week...or two... but now I'm fine! Like I said I'd be!_  
"Rae! I need you two take Shelley's tables for a bit!" _Shawn comes storming out of his office._  
"She running late again?"  
"I don't know where the fuck she is...again!" _I swear he's got a vein popping out of his face right now._  
"Don't worry! It's not too busy right now! I can handle this! Dinner rush doesn't usually start for another hour, right?"  
 _Shawn gives me a polite smile and storms back into his office._  
 _I guess I'll get started on the two tables I got right now._  
"Alright I'll get your order in now! Is there anything else I can help you with?"  
"No, sweetheart we are all set!" The sweet elderly couple, also my last customers of the night, smile up at me.  
"They're pretty cute." _Andrew, our new bus boy, says sliding up to me by the order counter._  
 _I can't help but blush because, if I'm being honest, he's really cute. He, ironically, looks like Andrew VanWyngarden, from MGMT. Big green eyes and Shaggy, curly brown hair. He doesn't talk much but when he does he's usually pretty sweet or kind of awkward. I may have a tiny crush on him._  
"Heh,uh, yeah! They always come in at this time before close to get dessert!"  
 _Smooth Raeanne, real smooth._  
"So,uh, Rae, what are you up to tonight? I mean like, after work?"  
 _Before I can respond Derrick, our cook, is ringing the order bell in my ear._  
"OOORDER UPP!"  
"Yep! Yeah! Right here!"  
 _Andrew stifles a laugh at me and walks away._  
"I hate you!" _I mouth to Derrick as I grab the couples pie._  
"Alrighty! Here we go! One cherry pie to the best customers ever!"  
 _I place the pie between them. Shortly after they pay their bill and leave._  
 _Now it's just myself and Andrew cleaning up the restaurant, Derrick always leaves right after we split the tips and Shawn, well, I haven't seen Shawn since Shelley didn't show._  
 _Andrew and I share a few shy smiles and quick glances at eachother while we quietly close and head out._  
"Hey, Rae!" _I hear him call out as I start my car._  
"Yeah?" I peek my head out the window.  
"You didn't answer my question!"  
"Oh yeah! Shit! Um, I was going to head over to my friend Lip's house if you wanted to come?"  
"Sure!" _His smile gets really wide and I can feel my cheeks flush. I'm such a dork._  
 _He hops in the passenger seat._  
"OH SHIT!" _I screech my car to halt as Andrew exclaims._  
"What?!"  
"I forgot to leave some paper work with Shawn!" _I say as I start driving in reverse back to the restaurant._  
"I'll go inside with you, it's late y'know."  
 _We both get out and head to the back of the diner. I have a key because Shawn says he trust me enough._  
"So, weird being in here after close." _Andrew whispers to me._  
"You don't need to whisper. I don't even think, Shawn's still here."  
"I didn't see him leave!"  
 _We crack open the door but it won't open more than a crack. Andrew and I both give it a shove and realize Shawn's desk is in front of the door. Weird, but we've managed to get it open enough we can squeeze in._  
 _A loud gasp leaves my mouth when I see Shawn lying on the floor with a needle in his hand, a rubber band around his arm and his eyes bloodshot. Andrew is already checking his heartbeat while I stand frozen at the door._  
"RAE! RAE! CALL 911!"  
 _I snap out of it and panic trying to get my phone. The operator tells me the ambulance is on it's way. Andrew and I wait at the front door to walk the paramedics through. They say he still has a pulse and should be fine._  
 _We sit in silence as we follow the ambulance to the hospital._

 ***LIPS POV***

"She should of been home by now! I can't get a hold of her!" _I overhear Lisa talking to Fi downstairs._  
"What Rae didn't come home?" _I ask reaching the last step of the wooden hill._  
"No, and I can't get a hold of her, Lip have you heard from her?"  
"Wasn't she coming over tonight, Lip?" _Fiona looks at me worried._  
"Yeah, but sometimes she goes home and changes after work or something. I didn't think anything of it."  
 _Lisa looks disapointed, I don't want to worry her but I'm a little scared too. I quickly run upstairs to get Ian._  
"Yo! We gotta go get Rae!"  
"Her car breakdown again or something?"  
"Lisa can't find her we gotta go look, man!" _I pick up Ian's jean and a shirt from the floor and throw them his way._  
"Can't find her?"  
"Yeah she didn't come home from work, Lisa's been calling and can't find her."  
"Alright, I bet she's fine though! It's Rae!"  
 _I start having flashbacks to that night when she told me about Mitchell. What if she ran into him? What if he did something worse?_  
 _Ian and I come flying down the stairs to tell Lisa and Fi where we are going to stop suddenly._

"What do you mean you're at the hospital? You're boss did WHAT? RAEANNE MARIE YOU CALL ME NEXT TIME! I swear to GOD! I am going to kill you when you get home!" _Lisa is screaming in our living room pacing from one end to the next._  
"I guess she found her?" _I ask, Fiona shrugs still with her brows furrowed and the look of worry plastering her face._  
 _Lisa hangs up, sighs loudly and turns to us with a small smile on her face._  
"Raeanne just called. Apparently her boss overdosed in his office and her and a co-worker found him. She's now at the hospital and has to file some report. She'll be home soon. Sorry to worry everyone." _Lisa says in a strange slow tone._  
"Holy shit! Guess we don't got to go look for her." _Ian sighs walking back up the stairs._  
"Guess not. Glad she's okay!" _I sit on the couch,giving Lisa a reassuring smile, turning on the tv while Fiona walks Lisa out the door._

 _Her boss OD'D? That's fucking crazy. That's a scary thing to see. When I was a kid I saw one of Frank and Monica's drug buddies all strung out on our living room floor after a party and that was crazy enough. Seeing someone overdose? That shit's scarring._  
 _I sit and watch TV for a bit waiting to see if Rae will come here first. Fiona went to bed pretty much after Rae's mom left. Never a dull moment around here. It's kind of quiet right now. Almost too quiet._

 ***RAE'S POV***

 _The doctor's said he's going to be fine. So we could leave after we filed the report with the police since Shawn's also apparently a parolee? I had no fucking idea._  
"So this wasn't what I had planned for tonight." _Andrew sighs._  
"Weird, these were my exact plans." _My sad attempt at lightening the mood._  
"You need a ride home?"  
"Yeah, shit, if you don't mind?"  
"Not at all, Andrew!" _I'm blushing, what an inappropriate time._  
 _We're driving silently, the drive is quite a bit but I don't really feel like making small talk._  
"So, we go to the same school eh?" _But Andrew apparently does._  
"Really? I've never seen you around?"  
"We actually had English together."  
"Wow, I feel like a total asshole!"  
 _How did I not notice?_  
"You sit in the front, I sit in the back, no big deal. Hey you mind if I play some music?" _Andrew has been looking through my CD book since we got back in the car._  
"No, go ahead, be my guest." _I yawn._  
"You got some cool stuff here, Strokes, Vaccines, MGMT, I love MGMT!"  
"Yeah, me too! Anyone tell you, you look lik-"  
"Andrew? All the time!" _We both laugh._  
"So, pop quiz, Oracular spectacular or congratulations?" _Andrew asks sitting up straight, leaning in a little closer than before._  
"Oh, Congratulations BY FAR!"  
"It's my favourite too! A lot of people didn't like it for some reason."  
"Because everyone just wanted a KIDS 2.0 but I thought it succeeded Oracular Spectacular vastly!"  
 _We go back and forth about music for a while. The tension between us slowly fading. Both becoming more and more relaxed. But I keep picturing Shawn's lifeless body lying on the floor of his office, chills going my spine everytime._  
 _We pull up to Andrew's house, he actually lives 2 houses down from Karen. How have I never seen him around?_  
"So, um, do you work tomorrow?"  
"Nah, I'm off, how about you?" _His eyebrow raises looking over his shoulder before he exits my car._  
"No! I don't think they'll even open the diner tomorrow without Shawn."  
"Yeah." _Andrew turns to leave but stops with a sigh and turns to me._  
"Well, uh, here's my phone, put your number in there and give me a call if you want to do something tomorrow. I'm not busy." _He's blushes._  
"Alright, I'll text you." _I take his phone and do exactly as he says._

 _He smiles at me and leaves the car with a small wave._  
 _I can't stop smiling which is making me feel quilty because of what happened tonight_.  
"SHIT!" _I exclaim._  
"Lip's going to be so mad!" _I say to no one in particular._

 _I drive passed the Gallagher house but there's no lights on._  
 _I'll just talk to him tomorrow. I still need to deal with my mom too._  
 _I head quietly to my bedroom. Immediately flopping onto my bed. I'm so tired but I can't sleep. I lie awake staring at the ceiling, picturing Shawn and the needle and the paramedic's rushing his lifeless body out of the diner. It's going to be a long night._


End file.
